To say this has been one of the hardest weeks ever is an understatement. Now I know I am not special and there are people going through so many struggles right now and some are down right heart wrenching.My mind has been flooded with memories and my heart so full of emotions. My dad passed away this past week and my daughter moved to college the very next day.
An illustration that life goes on and time stops for no one. However, the heart and mind ache and burn trying to process it all.My dad was a man like no other. We always see our loved ones through a different lens and think they are more amazing than anyone else. I would daresay that is love. My dad worked hard his whole life, from a young boy to a mature man. He provided for us, protected us and persevered. He wasn’t one to show emotions verbally, but showed his love through so many other ways. He never met a stranger, he could talk with anybody about anything. He loved to play jokes and tease, and embarass us as teenagers–like clogging in a crowded mall while hollering my mom’s name as she walked away. He would build just about anything mom asked for. He fixed things physically, aesthetically, and to bring comfort to those he loved. He would give what he could and it may not have always been financially. And in all those other gifts he gave, those meant so much more than money.
As we drove to his hometown, the mountains standing guard over the valley that was his home. A sense of peace came over me. My dad was who he was, not pretentious, no putting on “airs”, not wanting praise for deeds, just a good man. People came to pay their respects and you see how lives are entertwined, memories flooded our minds and hearts. People who went to high school with dad, worked beside him, family and people who loved us because we loved him.
I remember as kids going over to spend the weekend at Granny’s house so Dad could help with the garden, run errands and visit– and I mean worked hard–tilling a garden, harvesting, fixing up what needed to be done at Granny’s. We visited his Aunts and Uncles, his brothers and sisters, our cousins. Stepping back in time to a place where family matters, that you do your best to help someone any way you can because it is the right thing to do. You so take for granted the time growing up, that there will always be more time.
Driving the winding road to the cemetery, you think of all the ones that passed on before and the lives they lived and you think about how your life will be forever changed by the man you are saying good bye to.
Dad always taught us to do your very best, to work hard and do an honest days work, to work to the best of your ability (and I will admit I overwork and he did too). That no matter if you changed your name, no matter what clothes you wore, no matter what car you drove or where you lived, YOU were YOU and none of the trappings of life could change that.
Both of my parents gave my sister and I a life like no other. We may not have had everything we wanted but we had all we needed. We knew they may not always agree with us but they always loved us. To know and feel supported by these two, there are not enough words and I use alot of words.
Driving to his hometown the memories come crashing down, and I will say some regrets as well. My dad told my sister and myself that we had one life and to live it. Words were said in these precious snippets of time and hearts hurt to see this man struggle to breathe, to know he had a peace where he was going but the fear of the unknown journey to get him there. We all know we will die and for those that know the Lord they have that blessed assurance of where they are going. But the process of death can be painful and scary and unknown. My dad faced every challenge in his life and ours.
He and mom were hlessed with a marriage that lasted in a society where it is too easy to give up. They never gave up on each other, on us, on those that mattered. Through our teen years, giving me away in marriage to then welcome me home after an awful divorce, to loving and giving life lessons to my two kids, working hard, providing and protecting. My Dad wasn’t a perfect man , none of us are perfect. He was a man who stayed true to who he was and stayed true to his family.
It was so very hard to see my mom, my sister, my kids, his brothers to go through this loss. He had a different role in all of their lives and meant so much to them as well. Mom and her memories of marriage and love and building a life together, my sister re-visiting our shared memories and so many memories that were hers and dads alone. His brother’s memories of growing up, basketball and the memories of life, serving our country, serving others. He wasn’t a man who rested on his laurels. He played softball, bowling league, carried chains at WCU football games on occasion, ginseng hunting long before it became complicated, fishing, sometimes playing games with us- and especially my kids– that were some of the sillest games and he would join right in. He helped us each so much and it was so hard not to be more of a help to him. It is so hard to let that person go but you know that they have done all they can to make it. They fought the good fight, they won the race and I know in my heart he was told well done good and faithful servant as he stepped into the arms of Jesus.
So many memories, so many feelings that I don’t think could be relayed to the magnitude of what they mean or how they feel. I know also we are no different than anyone of you or your families. The hurt of losing a loved one, the ache of missing their voice and touch, to see them raise their eyebrows at you, it is a hurt that goes deep. But for one moment, think of those that are never vulnerable to let someone into their lives. Think of the blessing that they miss out on. It is said it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all. It hurts terribly to part with your parents, spouse, sibling, child, but think how sad it is for those that never love or have been loved. It hurts but what a blessing there is in that pain.
So my dad made his way home and we carried him to his hometown. The mountains embracing us, the sun shining down, the grass soft under our feet. Just like his arms that protected us, his essence of who he was warming our hearts like the sun, and his actions and care making sure the road was only so hard to travel. His laugh, his life, him forever in our hearts and minds as he is no longer suffering.
I was there to the end with dad as was my sister, and I so hope I gave him a portion of the comfort he has given to me. May I be able to bring the comfort to my mom and family as these days move along.
As saying goodbye to my dad, I say goodbye to my daughter as she starts the next journey of her life and goes to college. I see her through my parent’s eyes and know they may have felt the same thing I am feeling. My girl, losing the one man she has had in her life from the beginning amd having to go to leave for school so quickly after such a loss. She is so brave and smart, caring and funny. I am so blessed yet so overwhelmed. Two parts of my heart started a journey that are without me. Again, to be so vulnerable to share that love and so blessed, but how one’s heart hurts.
So I have rambled alot and probably lost half of you by now. SO many thoughts, so many emotions. I know you parents out there sending your babies off to college know the feeling and you that have lost a dear person in your life do as well. May we each find the strength to heal, the perseverance to push forward, to show kindness and mercy to those
whose paths we cross and most importantly that we never forget to show the love and kindness that has been bestowed upon us. Thank you for indulging me, for letting me share my thoughts about my dad and my daughter. May we each never forget to tell someone how much they mean to them and say what is on our hearts. Have a good week dear friends.
