Another new month in this calendar year. The month of love is upon us literally and figuratively. February is a short month in the scheme of things but is packed full of events. The Superbowl, the Oscars, Groundhog day, Valentine’s day, and this year an extra day due to leap year. It seems that the twinkle of the Christmas lights were still shining as the stores brought out cupids arsenal of hearts and chocolate. The pressure of finding the perfect Christmas present is then replaced with the need to show how much you love someone through the commercialism that saturates our world.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love a mushy card picked with me in mind or some pretty lingerie (yeah I went there). I love flowers, but feel way to guilty to have someone send flowers that cost way too much and don’t last long enough. Valentine’s day has gone from exchanging valentine day cards (we all remember being in school getting those elementary cards in our hand made heart and the valentine’s day parties. Or in high school waiting for someone to give you a carnation and the disappointment that you were not deemed special enough for even a carnation. Yes, true story there folks). To now people spending money on flowers and dinners or jewelry or weekend get aways just to prove their love. What do you think about all this? Your heart’s desire manifested in gifts or another hoop to jump through in life? What makes your heart beat fast? What makes you feel loved? And how do you celebrate this holiday? So many questions, so many desires and so many unmet expectations it may seem.
I am a weird woman. I love holidays, I love making others feel special. I crave to matter to someone, yes I said crave. Crave meaning to feel as important to someone as they are to me. For all my love of holidays, I find the moments that aren’t forced by a dictated holiday to mean so much more to me. It is fun to celebrate special occassions, but I am touched more by the everyday moments. Buy a gift because you wanted to surprise me, plan a date without my input, flowers just because or write in a card what you feel and have this happen on random days. Thinking of someone in the doldrums of everyday life means more than over priced roses on Valentine’s day. A picnic in the living room versus waiting two hours for a table in a restaurant. A text or card that lets me know what I mean in your life on a daily basis and not just on a day of love, kids cleaning house or an unexpected hug from your kids that you love beyond yourself. How about a year full of love? How about we each shared what we mean to someone without the dictates of a Hallmark holiday? And this isn’t just romantic love, but love of kids and friends, family and co-workers. Letting the people in our inner circle know what they mean to us in the regular, ho hum routine days in our lives. Life is precious and we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Love is fragile yet strong, it can be elusive or overwhelming. Love can be a curse and a blessing. In Corinthians there is a whole chapter about love. Love is all encompassing, all surrounding and can be so very special and yet the double edged sword of happiness and hurt. So why limit love to just one day? We live in a world where there seems to be expectations on this day of love and when not met, well we feel unlovable. I will admit, even when married and post divorce, I would see the women I work with receive their flowers, hear of their dinner plans or romantic weekend away plans, the jewelry they came to work wearing after February 14th. I am a big girl and can admit the little green eyed jealousy monster would try to rear its ugly head. Don’t get me wrong, I really was happy for them and excited to see them happy. I still internalized like the high school girl I once was who waited for even a pink carnation, was I unlovable? Did I feel that because I wasn’t receiving outward trinkets of love and is love linked to just the material things in life? You see, I am a chronic over thinker, deep thinker. I go past the surface of things and go deeper. See how my conundrum of thoughts have been with me my whole life? My now ex-husband when we were married, would get a card, sometimes flowers waiting for me at home. My parents always had a card or chocolate for us. It was a regular day without alot of external show. The years after my divorce, those were the years of feeling the most unlovable feeling because I didn’t have a sweetheart. This holiday seems to scream to the world we all have someone and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes our heart’s desire is to give and receive love deeper than the glittery holiday trappings. While the world waits for outward declarations that scream love, I have always wanted that sweet whisper of love. As I have matured, we are saying matured and not old, the private moments mean more. I want to be claimed and appreciated in public (you should never hide your partner or be ashamed of your union) but those private conversations and declarations of the heart in private mean even more.
Please know, I am a hopeless romantic. I can get lost in a romance novel faster than a kid in a candy shop. I love the idea of romance, the slow seduction, the idea of dressing up for a date but wearing sexy panties for myself, the idea of being romantic because you can. I do think that is where a little of the hurt creeps in. We see our world, see others, see movies and romance novels, but do we see reality? Do we put so many expectations on what romance should be that we miss the small, meaningful moments? Be it for our partners, our kids and family and friends. While we dream, umm I mean I dream, of being whisked away to a cabin with a hot tub and a walk in shower with multiple shower heads massaging sore muscles and a weekend of rest, laughter and well you know…..we miss the moments of daily romance and moments to share love. A call that says you were on my mind, someone else doing the dishes, time spent that is special despite the demands of life, decorating your kid’s door with hearts with words of love and worth, showing your love through the day to day activities and actions. Yes we all want those romantic get a ways, we want a chance to focus and recharge our relationships, let our kids know they are loved but how about we start jump starting our everyday moments? Now I wouldn’t be mad if someone whisked me away (not kidnapped mind you as I would like to not feel attacked just romanced lol) BUT I wouldn’t be mad at a drive under the stars or a movie date or sometimes a Netflix and chill (I have no rights to that last comparison, just saying). I guess what I am babbling about is that we have alot of expectations that can set up resentment and disappointment and maybe we should look at the reality of the little moments in the precious life we have been given. I realize I will never be the woman in these romance novels that is whisked away and is adored for even burping up her expensive champagne while she lounges in a hot tub. BUT, I am a woman who is lovable for all of her flaws and failures. I am a woman who still likes to flirt and surprise someone when they least expect it. I am a woman who has been given 2 special kids who have made my heart gain more love than ever thought possible. I am a woman who deserves love and I feel very confident you do too! And yes, I do fantasize that I deserve that look from a man that wants to eat me with a spoon like he does a hot fudge sundae (even my fantasies involve food, this is an issue lol!) Or wants to whisk me away to a special destination just because I am that hot fudge sundae.
So how do you see this month of love? Do you see it all in one day or in everyday? Now please know, when you get those flowers or jewelry or you get whisked away for a romantic weekend, I will be there to share your joy and thankful to witness the love that is there. That is who I am and could only hope you would do the same for me. My heart still longs for the romance that thrums through my veins, an old world romance with a few modern twists. My heart wants to give love and be loved. What a blessing that we have been given to love. To know that we were loved before our first breath by our Creator, that we have had moments in life that have taken our breath away and that we can give and receive love up until our last breath. To love is a choice, a verb, an action, a sentiment, a blessing. So maybe instead of just celebrating love and waiting to be struck by cupids arrow on February 14th, we celebrate love everyday that we are blessed with. Love is patient, love is kind….
