Well today is another mixed emotion day. My girl heads back to college after being home for a month break for the holidays. I have two great kids that have turned out pretty good despite me being their mom. Today though, I am going to talk about my daughter.
Do you look at your kids sometimes and just think, ‘How did I get so lucky and how in the world did they grow up so quickly?’ I look at her and see how brave she is, how smart, how kind, how funny, how she is amazing. I know you feel the same way about your kids. It sometimes takes your breath away, kinda of like when you held them for the first time. This overwhelming feeling of how in the world this child came to be and came to be yours. Whether you birthed, adopted, fostered your child, that is still your child. How you would do anything to make this person safe and cared for?
This has been a huge adjustment these past 6 months. Having her be by my side for 18 years and then this next chapter. She isn’t that far from home; BUT she isn’t under my roof. I worry. Yes I am a chronic worrier about the people I love. I know that worry doesn’t change an outcome or add another day to my life. But I am her momma and I will worry. She went from this baby I held so close, to a precocious kindergartner who performed an epic haircut on herself. To a girl who won a math challenge in grade school to a hormonal middle schooler. To a high school young woman who grew in knowledge, thoughtfulness, opinionated, fight for what she believed in, beautiful young woman. Then she moved on to her first year of college. Such a bittersweet and proud moment.
There are so many moments that sift through my mind like grains of sand. Each one just as precious as the next. My need to be the best mom possible. Her dad left our family when she was 18 months old. Since then it has been myself, my son and my girl. My parents and sister have been a huge part of their lives and well-being. We lived with my parents for a couple of years when we couldn’t stay in our home due to divorce. My parents did car rides from school, life lessons, afternoon snacks, time spent making memories and I am forever thankful for not only the parents they were to me, but to the grandparents they are to my kids. They have had an Aunt that spoiled them and an extended family of my aunts and uncles, cousins and friends that have been there for this whole journey.
Being a single mom, I have read statistics, heard horror stories of kids that grow up without a dad. I worry about her future relationships and worry was I enough to give her a good foundation? Well, so far, so good. I have learned long ago through many challenges that statistics represent facts but not life. My girl is more than a statistic. She is a wonderful young woman. She is more than a number, she is a young lady with hopes and dreams and a voice that matters. She is a young woman who is smarter and braver than her mom could ever be. She is fearfully and wonderfully made.
She has started a new chapter in her life. A scary and exciting chapter. She has gone from the predictability and comfort and routine of her home to the overwhelming and exciting chapter of college. She has worked so very hard to get where she is today. She applied herself, studied hard and being proud is an understatment for what I feel.
This is the moment we as parents help our kids work towards. The nights of homework, car rides to schools, helping our kids navigate life so that they can navigate their life’s journey. That doesn’t make this an easy chapter for any of us, but at the same time it is a rite of passage. There are still times I look at her and can’t believe I have been blessed to be her mother. The joy she has brought to our lives, the laughter, yes the tears and the occasional not seeing eye to eye. But I wouldn’t trade one single moment. Well, I wish I could have prevented some of the hurts in her life, some of the things that she wanted to be different could have happened. Again though, each of those happened to help shape who she is today. She grew up without a dad, her grandfather–my dad– passed away the day before she was to move to college. The struggles of grief and adjustment to being 1 student on a HUGE campus, leaving hearth and home for a dorm room. Did I mention how brave she is?
So yes I could write a novel about my girl, about both of my kids. I could share so many stories that have happened over these 18 years. The photos, the laughs, the struggles, the moments where we just were quiet. Each one tucked in my heart forever. She is my heart. She has grown into a confident young woman who is chasing her dream. Who is pushing outside her comfort zone but still staying true to who she is. Can I say how amazing it is when your kids follow their own path and not the trend? They have their beliefs that carry them through the days and they know right from wrong. That even though she is growing up, her momma is someone she wants to hang with.
Have I said how proud and thankful I am for my girl? Yes I know you are about done with my sense of pride. Stop and think though– think about the people in your life that you are thankful for. Your parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends. Just think if we celebrated the people in our life, that we focused on the blessings these people are and not the negative side of life and relationships. Think about the people who want the blessing of relationships that warm their hearts and that they can physically touch. Not everyone is blessed with this in life. So yes, life is hard and challenging and sometimes just plain sucks. BUT we have been given this life and the people in our life for a reason. So maybe we celebrate and not berate. That we be aware of statistics but they don’t dictate our outcome in life. That a person is more than the hardships and challenges in life and that they are better for such. That we love on each other. I will tell you, it was hard being a single mom of two. The nights of no sleep when they were sick but still had to go to work. Where work pulled me away from the two people that were depending on me. Where I would run out of words and patience amd energy when my little ones needed me. Hindsight is 20/20. If I could go back and change anything, well there would be somethings I would change. But some of those changes would have meant these two kids wouldn’t be mine. I would be less stressed and worry less. I wouldn’t worry about the house chores as much but more game time. But above all, my kids knew then and know how much they are loved. This is a different chapter being a parent to adult children. Learning a new role in their life, seeing their lives evolve. I know each of you are feeling all of this or have felt or going to feel. That is the circle of life and I am on that journey with each of you!
So my girl goes back to school and the house will be a bit quieter without her. She will spread those wings again and embark on a new semester of challenges and work and pressures of school. But her momma will be here, an anchor in the storm of life, arms that will hug her tightly and that a heart that is bursting with pride and love for the little girl she was and the woman she is becoming. Continue to stay grounded my girl, be you and only you, stay rooted in your faith, give yourself permission to have fun, challenging your brain with the studies you will encounter, take a minute to make a friend and be a friend. Be the wonderful young woman you are and know that you are so loved. And spring break isn’t that far away and you will be back in my scope of vision. And even though I can’t see you everyday, you are in my heart everyday. Fly my girl and soar to meet those dreams.
