Well here we are the beginning of another month. Time does go by quickly. What have you guys been up to? Here at the Collins household we are on WW, hearing back from college applications, working and many times all this gets in the way of relaxation. But so many blessings in this conundrum of life! And I am so very proud of my daughter and all she has achieved thus far and the potential for her future! And I am proud of my sonas he continues to find his path in this world and has a caring heart and strong work ethic. And yes I am a bit proud of myself juggling all that I do! And proud for making some healthy changes in my life.
We know the first of every year we all make healthy lifestyle changes. I joined the bandwagon, AGAIN. WW (weight watchers) has been a very easy to follow plan. Some of my fellow co-workers are on board and amongst us all, we have lost over 100 pounds! My part has been 25 pounds thus far. It is alot of planning and preparing, but I get to enjoy regular food, still eating all food groups and get to indulge in an adult beverage. Since I am still getting over pneumonia, I haven’t been able to exercise much (other than never ending housework and working way too many hours). Maybe I will start sharing some of the recipes I have found along the way (all from Pintrest). So they say it takes 12 weeks for a habit to stick and for others to notice the changes you are making. So hopefully a couple more weeks and this caterpillar will look like a butterfly lol.
We all have changes in our lives and we can only be responsible for the changes we make to ourselves. Be it diet or exercise, meditation and prayer life, internal and external changes.
So there are those internal changes. We all have our insecurities–the way we look, the way we think, the way we interact with others and more importantly how we interact with ourselves. External changes that occur our whole life from puberty to pregnancy and breastfeeding, to aging and menopause (and that is a shock to see how we change but a blessing to age that some are denied) No matter our age or stage of life, we all have different storms we deal with and our roles are varied. As women we do juggle alot (and no this isn’t man bashing at all, women and men have different roles in life–SHOCKER!) with jobs inside and outside the home, families, pets, caring for a home, meal planner and chef (and again there are some men who do these roles as well). We are daughters, friends, wives or girlfriends, lovers, cheerleaders, care givers. During all this we nurture so many and we sometimes neglect ourselves. We each have different roles in our lives and we give so many pieces of ourselves to others but we need to give ourselves a bit of attention as well.
It feels foreign for us to do that. We feel selfish at times for focusing on ourselves. I can say as a single mom for almost 17 years now, I haven’t always made that time for myself. My son is on the autism spectrum and my daughter has no issues other than being a teenager. My ex has chosen not to be in their lives so it has been just the three of us and working and providing for our family physically and emotionally, so many times there hasn’t been much time for me. I have learned the hard way that no one is going to suffer and the world won’t fall apart if my house isn’t perfectly manicured, that my meals aren’t gourmet, that my kids aren’t perfect and neither am I. That if I take a nap, go for a walk or a ride to nowhere with music blaring or that bubble bath where everyone has been told mom needs a break–evetyone survives. If we don’t do some self care, we can’t have the energy to care for others. We need to be kinder to ourselves, in what we say about ourselves and how we care for ourselves.
So eat healthy, go for a walk, read that book, watch your favorite TV show, take that break for yourself. As a nurse in women’s health, I talk to women in so many different stages of life. Those new moms who feel exhausted but don’t ask for help as they feel it reflects on their “mom abilities” and fear of judgement. I say it takes a strong person to ask for help and makes a better mom. To the mom of toddlers who wants to run away from that strong willed toddler. I say step back, go to the store by yourself, take a walk, step away from the situation and let someone step in, it is OK to give yourself a break (and let someone step in, I am not encouraging abandoning sweet Susie to her own devices lol).
To the young women dating in this crazy world, I say be you, have pride in yourself and use your voice. Don’t follow the crowd but do what you feel you should. To the young brides who start their married life, joining a family, the excitement of the future and yes excitement of intimacy and the tricky road of contraception and feeling overwhelmed with their new life. I say don’t compare your life to others, stop and take a breath and enjoy this stage of your life and do your own timetable for marriage and family and love. And take time to care for yourself, it sets precedent to take care of yourself and not lose yourself while your role in life is changing.
Then we have the women who have birthed their children, married or divorced, surviving infidelity to the death of a spouse or no spouse at all, and now are approaching the menopausal years. These women have wisdom, they have hurts and they have insecurities. Their bodies are changing and not functioning like it did as a young bride (and the same for that partner that was once a strapping young man with a libido was like a rabbit) They compare themselves to these younger, prettier women, they try to capture the attention of the men in their lives, sexual dysfunction happens on both sides, kids in college, raising grandchildren or empty nest syndrome. To these women, honey you do you. Women have reached this stage with knowledge, with confidence and sometimes lack there of. They realize sometimes we focused on things that didn’t matter, that they miss that newborn snuggle and wish they had held that baby a bit longer. They wish for those sticky toddler hands and realize it was just a stage that they thought they never would survive, but oh how they wish they hadn’t worried about their house but spent more time reveling in the wonder of watching life through their toddlers eyes. The teen years where they wished they were back to the toddler stage so they could put their child in a car seat and not in a seat belt behind the wheel. And sometimes they look at how they gave to everyone but didn’t give to themselves and now their body feels like it is letting them down. The changes of menopause, changes in their relationships of intimacy, changes in the woman they see in the mirror. They have kids and sometimes grandkids and then their parents who are aging and feel just as stressed now as they did of a willful toddler. And it isn’t all negative. Yes our outward shell is changing, and our body has done some miraculous things. That inward goddess though, she is knowledgeable and wise, smart ass sometimes yet always compassionate. You see the world through a different lens at this stage.
We as women are blessed with a brain that juggles many things at the same time, a heart that cares and nurtures, arms that hold that baby or fur baby, arms that hold a lover, arms that comfort a friend. Hands that prepare meals, wash the clothes, hold that toddlers hands,hands that care for that sick patient or hold the hand of a loved one who is scared for the patient, hands that long to touch their partner and ache to be held when they are scared. Feet that pace the floor with a colicky baby, for teenagers late for curfew: that walk the halls while their child is waiting for their first child, to pacing the waiting room while their spouse or parent is in surgery. A heart that loves with all they have, tinges of regrets from their lives, to joy of the accomplishments of life and being in awe of those they have loved. A spiritual side that prays for those they love, for the world we live in, for guidance and wisdom, for their families, for strength and for blessings for others. Eyes that have seen beauty and pain, tears have been shed and laugh lines frame those eyes. But those eyes see beyond the physical side of life and look much deeper. What an amazing body, an amazing life. And no matter the shape or size of that body, it is an amazing body and soul that needs some care and attention.
So while we do all these things, how about we start being kinder to ourselves, that we take that time to care for ourselves. Join a gym, buy a work out video, try a new recipe, cook something healthy. To realize we are worthy of caring for ourselves so that we feel good about ourselves and stay healthy so that we are present for this thing we call life. So I am proud of you for taking that step, I am proud of myself for taking that step! During this journey, let’s celebrate every stage, love with all we have and love the uniqueness of us as women and that we are OK to take a breath and a moment for us. If we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t care for others. So here is continuing healthy habits for a healthy physical and emotional life. And well an occasional adult beverage lol. Take care you’all, we got this!