So laying here on a Saturday morning knowimg that my to do list awaits, my bladder is full and my sheets are saying don’t leave me. My mind is running with alot of different thoughts and I will admit some worries and stress. It is so aggravating when you could sleep in and that internal alarm clock wakes you up at the regular time!
So I was thinking about people. About the people that come and go in our lives. The sheer number of people we are in contact with, influence us and we influence them. Sometimes there are moments that we feel isolated or alone. Sometimes there are moments that we don’t feel we matter or we count or we just want the ones that mean the most to recognize you. But then stop and think….think of the people in your life now and past. Think about how they matter and the role in your life.
Think about your family that loved on you and cared for you. Not just your parents, but grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins. Then we go to school. You have your closer friends and then classmate upon classmate. Teachers that influenced you, taught you and impacted you. Classmates who became dear friends and some who hurt you or you just never knew.
Then we start part time jobs and more people enter our life. Graduation comes and then college or military or work force. More people come and go in your life. And this doesn’t count the people and friends of your parents and siblings who you meet and know about.
Then adulthood full steam ahead. Jobs and people, people and jobs. Your co-workers and their families (I have been working since I was 15, the amount of co workers, physicians, patients is too many to count). The patrons of your job. Adult friends, neighbors, the check out lady at the store, your hair dresser and the person who does your pedicure. Spouses and divorce, dating, second marriages and more people introduced. Then if you are blessed with kids, your kids friends and their parents, their teachers. Kind of mind bogglingly huh?
Then we add the world of social media. Friends and followers, people who stalk your pages but never acknowledge you or your posts, but they are your “friend”. More people added to your sphere.
Think about each of these scenarios and how many people have been present in your life. Some played such pivotal roles that shaped the person you have become. Some hurt you, some taught you, some blessed you and some were a lesson. Some in your life for just a season and some there from the beginning. The human interaction is so taken for granted. People are taken for granted. We think some will always be there when in reality they won’t and can’t be. They have either left this earthly home or they have left your reach. Some you are thankful for the lesson they taught you now that you have healed. Some you wish you had never met before. Some you wish you had met sooner so you could soak up every minute and some you count the minutes until they go away.
Think of the laughter, tears, moments you shared that were simple and some monumental life moments. Wedding ahowers and weddings, baby showers and birthdays, divorces, break ups, life and death.
Maybe we took too many moments for granted and hurried through the times we would like to live again. Think of your impact on someone’s life. Did we leave them with the special parts of ourselves or leave wounds that go too deep? How we effect each other can be in one moment but last a lifetime.
Memories go like a slideshow and they flicker through our minds and hearts. The sheer volume of people that the majority of us are blessed to have met is mind blowing. Some for a season, some for a reason. So maybe we start a new path. Maybe we start seeing people for who they are and that we be our real selves. That we be a blessing and not a curse. That we have learned from our collective people to be the best person we can be. There are so many people in our sphere and well sometimes it is overwhelming. I can admit, there are days I have to pull all the way from my toes up to be patient and understanding. There are days I am pulled into so many directions and I don’t have one more piece of myself to give away. On those days, I so want someone to come up to me and help me. I will admit that doesn’t happen often. Just that hug, kind word or just some kind of break from reaponsibility. But then everyone else is feeling that same way. We are all caught up in our treadmill of life. I have a small circle of people and family that are my true core. I realize more everyday that not everyone needs a seat at my inner circle. I have never met a stranger, I can talk just about anything to anyone. There are some who want just the details, some just want your company, some just want to take every amount of energy and time you have with nothing in return. These are the lesson people in your life. You still be you, do what you need to do for YOU to be ok, and it is alright to realize the lesson and evaluate those relationships. Not all people in our life are meant to stay, not all people have good intentions. The same token, you can’t punish others in your life for the unpure motives of those that came before.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we are blessed to have met and know so many people. That even through the not so amazing people and jerks that have made appearances in our story of life– well they are but one small chapter and better not dictate the story. We have walls built up because of our pasts, scars on our hearts, trust issues, bitterness. Then there are the people that build windows in those walls and the sun chases away the darkness. The streak of our past people is that, just a streak on the glass that can be wiped away so that a new view can be seen. It shouldn’t permanently effect our view, and is but a blip on the pane. We are blessed with the people in our lives. Be it for a short time or for the whole time. What kind of person do you want to be? A window or a wall?
I am far from perfect and I am sure there are people that have made me a wall. I have had my share of those wall builders. And it hurt deeply and I can still feel the scars. But those walls and scars continue to shape me everyday. I get short on patience, I have been told I have high expectations of others, been told I am simple, not sexy enough, to heavy, not all that. I have been wanted just for my female parts and not all of me, judged on looks and actions, judged by rumors and heresay. I have had my heart broken and deceived. I have hurt others with my words at times when I have lashed back. I fail everyday and I let those negative people of my past trigger insecurities and doubt creeps in and stays. So not all people are a welcome reminder or good memory. But they were a lesson.
That lesson is for me to try not to be that person that stacks each one of those hurts like a stone wall. For me to be a better person, to not build someone’s walls but help build a window. I know I have reached middle age, my 20 year old body is gone, my mistakes I know very well and I own each and every one of them. They are mine and not fodder for the masses. I am not the sexiest or prettiest, but I have a heart of gold and compassion and care that runs deep. I want to be that person who walks beside you not on you. There have been so many of these people in my life. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me to be better and not bitter. Thank you for being the real people in my life. If you have been blessed with these people, tell them and show them. The sheer volume of the people we have encountered is too many to count. But the ones that matter in that group are the ones that count. Be that person to be counted on. Be the person you want to be. Don’t just be people, be THAT person. Be YOU.
There will be people that come and go, there will be laughter and tears, there will be words of affirmation and words of destruction. There will be people and there will be YOUR people. Appreciate people, love people, be that people that matter to others. Don’t just be a face in the masses, be the person you are meant to be in this crazy world. People come and go, but the impact you make in their life is your choice. So be one of the people that matters! And for those special people in my life, thank you and you matter more than you know! So go and be good people today, make someone’s day in a special way and build windows not walls.
