One more memory….

Well here we are knocking on the door to fall. Time keeps marching on. I hope each of you are finding time to make memories, finding time to breathe in the everyday moments, take time to spend with those that mean the most to you.

I promise I don’t mean to stay in the stages of grief. I am sure that people are like girl put on those big girl panties and move on. Life moves on and the big girl panties are employed. Some days I find myself smiling and have made it through a few days without crying. I will admit though people sometimes get on my nerves. Being around large crowds overwhelm me, little things irritate me. Sleep sometimes evades in the middle of the night and sleep wants to kick in when it is time to wake up. I am not the only person to experience loss. I know that full well. Seeing the grief of losing my dad through the eyes of so many can compound grief or it can make you see whole new chapters of my dad. I see my mom pushing through each day, my sister making big life changes and dealing with her loss. My kids pushing through but feeling a part is missing. The day to day grind. The world keeps on spinning while your world is spinning out of control. When you really think about things, someone is losing their parent right now; their grandparent or Aunt or Uncle or heaven forbid their child. Your best friend for ever loses their spouse and the list goes on. We all know someone who is walking the road of loss.

So how do we help them? Do we ignore that they avert eye contact and swallow back tears? Do we go on as business as usual? Do we just reach out and say I am here to listen when you need me or do we just ignore the loss after condolences are extended? Some people don’t know how to comfort or know what to say. There is no right or wrong way to comfort someone. Well I take that back, you can comfort someone. Let them know they matter, give them a chance to talk about their feelings, their memories. People going through grief whether they feel like that is all that is talked about or they aren’t talked to at all. Talk to them, listen to them. When my grandmothers died it was a hurt and sorrow, one I stayed with until her last breath and one gone to quickly while I was pregnant with my daughter. Sorrow for my parents, for my kids that they wouldn’t know their great grandmothers like I did. Losing my dad, just like those of you who have lost your mom or dad or both, well it is a different pain. Your nuclear family is forever changed. Regrets of harsh words, missed moments and then moments of sheer laughter and joy when you look back over pictures and scroll through the memory banks in your mind.

I can’t imagine losing a spouse or child. I think I would just be laid out and unable to function for awhile. My heart breaks for those who have lost a spouse or a child and that would be a child from utero to any age. The sheer strength and will of the human spirit and faith have to be the only thing that pushes you through.

I then think about how we all fit in this big world. The world doesn’t stop turning because your heart is broken. It is business as usual. It is well that is your sorrow not mine. When did we become a world where some just don’t see the picture but only from their own vantage point? How sad that we have had our compassion and care for others become a quality that we don’t strive to achieve more? Yes I over love and over think. But how sad for those that dont know love at all? Who have chosen to incase themselves behind stone walls around themselves and their hearts? Who have missed out on the wonders of love. My marriage didn’t end up the way I had envisioned and the physical and emotional toil was immense. However, I fell in love and gave it my best and yes, my best faltered at times. If I hadn’t realized the risk of love and taken the chance, I wouldn’t have had my 2 kids and they wouldn’t have had the chance to love my dad. So it all hurts. One day at a time is all you can do. BUT, you do it., you push through no matter if some don’t care the way they should, when the overwhelming feelings are too hard for some to deal with, when you have a few very good friends in your circle who just let you be you without pretense. When you have a mom and sister who love you for you and share the mutual love you had for the man of few words, the man who worked hard to provide for you, the man who never met a stranger. Well folks that is what matters.

My blog won’t always be sad, but it will always be real. I am not afraid to say what others think, I feel more than I should and definitely say too much. I appreciate your thoughtfulness in reading my babble and hope that maybe my perspective would lend you to broaden yours. And just maybe, we all reach out to someone, that we all live life a little bit more and not get so bogged down in the responsibilty and woe of life.

Attached is a video, it unfortunately is condensed from the one my daughter created. Snapshots of family that most of you won’t know. But really when you think about it, the snapshots of our families bring us to the focus of who we are today and paint a canvas for who we want to be tomorrow. Not only who we want to be but for the little ones who follow behind us. Just a thought.