Ok, I know that is a rhetorical question. I don’t know about you guys but these past Valentine’s weekend cupid hit me with a tapeworm and I fed it!! I have been doing fairly well in regards to weight loss. I stalled out after my dad passed away and well, I have had a hard time getting back on track. I know part of it is emotional eating and being lazy on my part to not meal plan. I know this weekend I was off the rails. Now I didn’t belly up to the all you can eat buffet, but I went well over my WW points for the day/week/month.
I had dinner with my mom, sister and my son on Friday night (yes we went to Applebees and well even there salads have way too many calories) and we may have enjoyed a hot Krispy Kreme donut. Saturday I had a small hamburger and 4 onion rings….well then I enjoyed some adult beverages and white cheddar cheese puffs….yeah I am bad. Sunday consisted of one more donut and a small steak and baked potato and that dang adult beverage jumped in my hand again. See, told you I had a tape worm!! I know I was feeling different emotions just from different stresses, and we all know when you have an adult beverage food tastes so good lol! I am ashamed of what I ate and well this makes me accountable. I have committed back to WW ( I am not compensated from sharing the WW logo or information) and I have to get my butt in gear. I have lost 50 pounds and well I would like to lose another 50. But, if I go off the rails like this many more times I will be in trouble.
Do you ever find yourself eating and you don’t know why? Is it to celebrate a holiday, sadness for being alone for said holiday? Is it giving yourself free reign to celebrate a holiday (now President’s day and ground hog day don’t count as holidays lol). Is it just what one does for a holiday? I dont know. It seems like food is linked to holidays and just life events. Birthdays and deaths, Christmas and Thanksgiving, July 4th and anniversaries, Monday and Fridays….all have reasons to eat. And it is all fun and games until your pants are tight and your granny panties turn into a thong due to the junk in your mouth leading to junk in the trunk! Life events seem to center around food. And then if you aren’t on your best mental game, you by pass the carrot and celery sticks and hit the queso and chips. There is always tomorrow but then the tomorrows catch up.
So today I had a major wake up. I added up my points, yes I tracked what I ate and well in my weekly points I was at a -30. That is not so great! I admitted what I ate, I tracked it and well it is back on the horse today. I know, alot of you don’t care to hear about this. Some of you have always been skinny and never had to worry about losing weight. Some of you have better control over your emotions. And YAY for you, I mean that seriously. However, there are alot of us who have gained weight for so many varied reasons and it is hard to get the pounds back off. It is fun to eat and easy to gain weight, but it is hard to lose it! Chocolate and chips taste so much better than cauliflower and yogurt. But this is life. Some will say don’t blame other things for your eating habits. I don’t blame anyone but myself for this last weekend’s smorgasbord! BUT, I can say I know me and I am an emotional eater. Happy, sad, mad or glad, I can eat. I overthink and stress and sometimes when we eat emotionally, we are stuffing other emotions down. If we eat we don’t have to address other feelings or we cheer ourselves up with a treat. It isn’t healthy nor am I making an excuse but stating a fact. Sometimes weight gain can be hormonal– thyroid disease, pregnancy, hormones, you name it. Sometimes it is from the food choices we make and sometimes it stems from so much more.
I have always been a thick girl. I was growing up and still am as a grown woman. In high school, I weighed 120 pounds– the lowest weight in my life. I went to school with some mean girls who told me I was still fat. I know I have probably written this before. I then got married and then my first baby. My thyroid decided to not work with a TSH level at 75 at 4 months postpartum. The level should be between .30 to 4.5. Fatigue and a colicky baby and feeling like a sloth on Ambien, the weight liked to stay. Baby number 2, more thyroid issues. A divorce, single mom and I neglected me. My ex told me no one would want me and I hid behind my weight. Now, I am saying all of this not as an excuse but to let you know that you aren’t alone. We all struggle with weight or body image. Too heavy or too thin, exercise addicts or sweet aholics. We all have our own body struggles, our own food issues. I have never been one of those really skinny girls. I don’t want to be skinny, just healthy. I want a man to be able to grab a bit of meat and not just bones. I am just maybe more open than some about my life and struggles. Now, just so you know there are some things I do keep private. You know parts of me but not everything there is to know about me. There are many levels and not everyone gets that privelege of knowing all about me. I know the same for you. We all have some things that are hard enough to recognize and deal with on your own, let alone open up that wall to let others in. That is ok, we all have to have some things that aren’t meant to be shared. Anyways…..back to lifestyle changes and recognizing why we make the choices we do.
I have found in my own life struggle with weight, WW seems to be more balanced and more real life. You make choices but you have to account for the choices you make. Everything has points, well not everything. Some foods are “free” however adult beverages aren’t free and neither is chocolate. And just to mention again, I don’t own any rights to WW nor am I being compensated to mention WW. It is my personal choice and well I need to own up to some of my choices after this weekend. This plan consists of real everyday food with emphasis on portion sizes and heathy eating. You can have pizza or hamburgers, you just have to track it.
So maybe it isn’t all about the food but what we link the food too. Emotions and celebrations, hunger and moments of fasting. We, myself included, maybe need to look beyond the food choices but why we over indulge. I can tell you why I did this weekend. I always think holidays should be special and celebrated. I was tired of counting points, felt I should treat myself as no one else was. I didn’t want to think and my choices reflected that. The only person I hurt was myself. It wasn’t celebrating me but making me feel guilty for wrong choices. I didn’t think but then was puffy eyed and swollen from my beer and salt choices.
But today is a new day!! I meal planned and cooked on Sunday. I made a chicken salsa bake and meat for a Big Mac salad, 1 point WW chocolate chip cookies, prepared veggies and fruit. Came home tonight and made 2 ingredient dough for bagels. And still had 5 points I haven’t used by the end of the day. So today is a new day and forgiveness has been given to myself for my choices. I recorded them and they are there and probably some on my backside too! So how about you? Make some wrong choices in your food choices? Maybe been too cruel to yourself and how you look and think? Today is a new day my friends! Maybe we each don’t wage war with our emotions with our food. Maybe we forgive our slip ups and get back on the right track. It doesn’t matter what dietary needs you choose, maybe we stop waging war with food. Maybe we just keep trying. To lift each other up, encourage and don’t be a stumbling block but a helping hand. So today was a good day, yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is a fresh start! I am always willing to be a WW buddy, a cheerleader for your efforts and well yeah your girl to drink a beer with! Let’s give ourselves permission to be human and not perfect, healthy and not skinny, to realize we are more than a number on a scale, we are beautiful and wonderfully made. So enough of this chatter. Here is to the hope tomorrow will be a scrumptious day for us all!!