So here we are at the end of another year. Day 365…standing on this last day with so many emotions as we try to peek at the new year. We are leaving another year and diving head first into a new year, a new decade. Time seems to march on too quickly. So many thoughts and feelings that we all have had this last year. Just think about that. The life we have lived up to today. The life we want to start anew in less than 16 hours. Think about those that stepped into the roaring 20’s and we are stepping into the 20’s one hundred years later. We may not be dancing the Charleston but we are dancing to our own beat.
I am sitting here thinking about so many things. So many life changes we each have gone through in our lives. How about you? What changes happened to you and what changes do you want to happen? Think about one year ago, so many hopes and expectations, so many new opportunities, the anticipation of a new year. With all of the joy of a new year, we also reflect on the previous year. And sometimes all the years before.
I am too much of a hopeless romantic. Wanting holidays like you see in a movie. Meeting under the mistletoe, clinking glasses together for that midnight kiss and a new year glowing like fireworks. Yep that is cheesy I know. That is my hopeless romantic thoughts. Reality is I have celebrated way too many New years eve taking a nap prior to midnight, click my own glass and go back to bed. When the kids were little, I would fib when midnight was so they felt like they celebrated but could go to bed early and in later years they have woken me up for midnight. So my reality is nothing like the movies. If so, my house would be perfect, I would be thinner and life would be different. But do we want life to be like a movie or do we want to live our own real life?
New years brings on resolutions and aspirations to change. What if we didn’t change but improve? We are who we are flaws and all, so what if we forgive those flaws and be just us? I have a very hard time forgiving my flaws and sometimes embracing me. Do you ever feel that way? Feels like I constantly try and the more you try the more behind you get? I have never been one of those women who is perfect, who is always put together, who is the PTA mom or the sex kitten from Victoria’s secret and now we know I don’t say the right things either. I always try to do the right thing though and that means more.
I feel like a character out of Bad Moms and Bridesmaids more than I do June Cleaver or It’s A Wonderful Life. Swinging through the days, just like all of us, work and home, home and work. Kids, groceries, bills and cleaning. See the movies leave out those tough parts of life. We are not in our negligee sipping coffee on a sunrise filled veranda….we are in our t-shirts with crazy curly hair trying to get out of the bed before the sun gets up. There are times the fantasy sounds better than reality, BUT the reality of life is what makes us. (Although before my life ends, I will sit on that veranda!)!
So as we sit here awaiting a new year with new opportunities and new chapters, let’s reflect on the chapters we have lived to bring us to this day. So many moments that we have lived. They flip through our mind like that reel of film. If you have lived any amount of time your life reel will show you your childhood, the awkward teenage years, your twenties, marriage, childbirth, funerals of loved ones and divorces, heartaches and joys. There are reels upon reels of life. Each frame has formed us, taught us, made us laugh and cry. Even though our film of life may not be blockbuster worthy, it is still our life.
My life isn’t perfect or blockbuster worthy, however direct to DVD release is a possibility. So many moments that make me laugh until I cry, moments where I just cry. Moments that were the hardest things I have ever gone through. Moments of pure joy that I feel I may burst. The love I have felt that made my heart race and break. You each have your reel of life moments that have brought you to this day. We all do and we try to splice and merge these reels to create new moments, new stories, new reels.
So on this last day of the year, we bustle about making plans for the night, plans of how we are going to improve ourselves for this new year, resolutions made, wanting a reset button. So while it is ok to look towards the new year, let’s cherish the last day of the year, let’s be a rebel. We stop for a minute and think about what we did this past year, what we felt and what we learned. Our house had major life changes with my kids and their life changes and the loss of my dad, working too much and stressed too much. Moments of over indulgence and moments of hunger. Sickness and challenges of life, moments that are tucked in my heart for a part of life I don’t share. Moments of creativity and exhaustion. Connecting with people and moments of solitude. Moments with family, moments of worry and fear, moments of seeing life through someone elses vision while trying to adjust my own. So many moments taken for granted and moments that were missed. So much happened in the reel of 2019 and still moments were missed.
Our pasts are always with us as it has made us who we are today, but it doesn’t dictate our future or atleast it shouldn’t. So as we get ready to leave behind another year and a decade, may we reflect on the moments of life, reflect on who we are. Instead of resolutions maybe intentions and aspirations. Resolutions are all or none. Intentions are heart felt and aspirations are turning dreams to reality. May we aspire to be better. I am aspiring to be a better woman, better mom, better daughter and sister, better nurse, a better me. Maybe it is ok to embrace ouselves flaws and all and aspire to be ok in our own skin, our own thoughts, to star in our own reel of life. Let’s celebrate this last day of the year and make a moment for our film reel. Soak up the day and the moments of today as tomorrow will be here soon enough. Love the people in your circle, love yourself. Life is messy and hard, houses are cluttered and thoughts ramble. Bodies age and heart’s desire evolve. We go from a comedy to a drama, a mystery and scifi all in one day. Life is more real than any movie, let’s make our reel of life the best story yet! Happy last day of 2019 and may this next year be the best film reel yet.