New Year’s Eve 2018

Well another year has almost passed. Last day of the year and we stand on tip toes of expectancy for the new year to come rushing in. There is always a sense of excitement around this day. Saying goodbye to a year that may have been full of love, full of hurts, full of memories, just full in general.  And we look forward to a new start, a new year.

So what are your expectations for a new year? What do each of us want? This time of year is one of reflection, one of how do we change, how do we improve. There is always the laundry list of the same things–more laundry (haha), weight loss and fitness, spending more time with family and friends and the list goes on.  Those things on that list are important and I will admit some of them are on mine.  I struggle with my weight, I struggle with loving who I am.  And during a time of reflection I am finding that I am ok to be me.  Yes, I need to be in better shape and lose weight, but I am ready to embrace me, love me for me.  I want this next year to be full of good health but also being just me.

We as women, and men, spend time comparing ourselves to others. Or wishing our life away or the “if only” game.  “If only” I was thinner he would like me; “If only” I didn’t have a receding hair line she would like me; “If only” I was smarter my boss would recognize me.  The list can go on and on.  SO….what do we do about that list?  Well we send that list to the pit of hell is what we do.  We are who we are, somethings we can change and improve and some things are inherently who we are.  Now not saying we can’t lose a few pounds, or change an attitude about a person or situation. But the color of our eyes (okay I know there are contact lenses to change the color but that is cheating), the state of our hair (again hair color, but the origin of our hair), our height (yes I know high heeled shoes) okay you get the point.

How about each of us take a list and instead of listing the things we want to change, we embrace the things that we love about ourselves. Instead of wishing our life away that we enjoy each moment. I am guilty of this. I look at all the things that I am not and wish I was more and the things that are too much about me I wish were less. And I count down to Friday as a hobby. So during this time, let’s look at who we are.  Starting this blog was a leap of faith for me. It may not reach many people, it may not make a difference, it may be a lesson in futility. But guess what, it is okay. If it reaches one person to make a difference then it was worth it. And right now it reached me–for taking a chance and putting my thoughts out there, my musings. Taking a chance instead of always thinking I will do it some day. Well the day is today.

So I will start the list of what I embrace about myself and how I want my next year to be.  I have a great smile, caring personality, I love deeply, I care deeply. I am a good mom flaws and all, I am a good nurse and try my hardest that each person I talk to knows that they are heard. I am pretty in my own way (yes that sounds like a line from a movie) my outside shell may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but the essence of who I am is a woman full of laughter, passion, caring, fiercely protective of those she loves, a fighter for the injustices of our world and a spiritual gift of an encouraging.  And last but not least, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Things I would like to change:  To be in better health and of course lose weight (isn’t that at the top of everyone’s list) To work hard, but not work so hard that I miss life (I am known to work late hours). To not overthink and be too hard on myself. To spend more time with the people that mean the most to me and to spend less time worrying about those that don’t really care. To forgive myself for my short comings, to embrace that I am wordy, that I over love and over care and over text (those who know me know I have a hard time keeping anything brief. just like this post).

The purpose of this isn’t for those who know me to say “Oh you are great” “You don’t need to lose weight” (which you may need corrective lenses with that comment, insert chuckle). The thought behind this post was for us to think. You don’t have to share your list–but please know you can.  This is about thinking a bit deeper, this is thinking about how we see ourselves and how we want to be seen.  We can wear the fanciest of clothes or the simplest; drive a fancy car or a beat up truck; have a drink at a fancy hotel or a hole in the wall; live in a fancy house or a cabin in the woods.  Those are things about us but they aren’t us.  And maybe being who we are is enough.

So as we say goodbye to another year and welcome a new year with open arms, what will we embrace?  The falsehoods of how society thinks we should be or how we see ourselves? What do we want to change, what do we want to embrace?  I know for myself that I want to embrace this life I have been blessed with, embrace my kids, my family, the people that are so special to me.  The people that let me be me and accept me for who I am. I want to embrace me.  I also want to extend that embrace to you. Please know you always have a place to share thoughts or concerns or praise for blessings in your life. This blog isn’t just about me but us all.

I look back over this last year with fondness, retrospect, a sense of wonder and awe and blessed to have had another year. This next year brings big changes for my little family, it brings hope, it brings new beginnings.  It is a chance to leave the baggage of a past of hurts behind and lessons carried forward.  I am blessed more than I deserve and thankful for another year (even this year presenting a HUGE birthday).

Thank you for indulging me and for reading along. May each of you have your “lists” come true for this next year.  May you each have love, peace, happiness and something that makes you smile everyday. Make this next year the best chapter of your life, I am planning on it!