So summer is here. Warm weather, picnics, cold beverages be it a sweet tea or a famous IPA beer, less clothes, longer days and nights filled with lightning bugs (yeah I said lightning bugs). Memories with families, stolen moments precious as they come, summer romances with sparks flying hot as the sun. This makes me think about many things.
My previous life as a married woman and mistakes I made in my marriage and wishes we both had been different people. Mistakes I have made in other relationships. And expectations, always expectations. Don’t we all have those? We all think we should be different than what we are, that if we were skinnier, sexier, funnier, exciting and so many other things that we pressure ourselves to be that life would be better, that we would be loved more and we get unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We have forgotten how to accept ourselves and realizing we aren’t everyones cup of tea. Expectations from our loved ones. We want that person to realize what we want or need without asking, that we want them to sometimes be like that fake romance character in the books we read. That we are desired and that we matter. We all crave that emotional connection and for women, we seem to crave it a bit more. And when we ask, well sometimes men don’t know how to respond. So our expectations become frustrations. And we repeat the circle of poor communication it seems. I know it happened in my marriage. It happens in intimate relationships, friendships, work realtionships and the list goes on. And sometimes it can be a woman who can’t respond emotionally, it can go both ways.
I look at my parents. They are facing one of the biggest health crisis in their marriage right now. And believe me they have had many. They have gone through so much in their married lives. Illness, pregnancy, pregnancy losses, jobs, financial struggles, happy times and times of just being plain aggravated with each other. But instead of throwing in the towel, they dug deeper. There were times I am sure they both didn’t want to. There were times that I am sure they physically or emotionally didnt like the other person. I believe we can all identify with that. But they chose to hang on. They moved through the season of summer love and lust ( yes I am sure that they lusted I just don’t think of them in that light lol) and they went through the barren times of winter and the bounty of fall and the newness of spring. They chose each other, to put aside oneself for each other’s needs. They have made it to almost 52 years. I didn’t, so many people have not made it that far. This is a sad fact. I have spend a lot of time thinking and over thinking. I wish I could go back in time and change the woman I was and sometimes the woman I am now. Then I think I am not all that bad. Or maybe, just maybe, we extend grace to ourselves and each other and accept one’s self and extend ourself for someone else. This life is hard and what a blessing it is to be with someone for life’s journey. That maybe we extend that grace. Starting over at any age is hard. The days of couples staying together are far and few between and those that do, well they are to be admired.
I have dated later in life…status post divorce, with kids and a full time job. I have had friends enter the dating world after divorce, and friends who have never married. And dating is hard, marriage is hard, life is hard. Our pasts come packed in our luggage, heavy to carry and past hurts still linger. All of us wishing life could have been different, wishing we had cared for others and ourselves a bit different. Pasts of abuse, hurt, anger, silent treatments–all of these have shaped us today and can sometimes effect our tomorrows. It is a road we didnt think we would travel when we said our vows but then we signed those divorce papers and the path changed again. Maybe we should have dated our spouses or significant others even after the commitment was stated, maybe left our expectations at the door, our egos dialed back and see life thru our partner’s lens. We can’t go back and undo our pasts but we can change our present and influence our futures.
It would be amazing to go back to the summer of our youth. Making plans, what to wear, tanning with sun-in and baby oil and boombox playing the latest 80s hits. Very little worries and cares. That was a season of life for sure. Maybe, just maybe, we look at our current season of life a bit kinder. The responsibilities of work, family, house and home overwhelm us to the point we lose ourselves. We have matured in our outlook on life, we love deeper–not just the physical part but the part where we appreciate the people in our lives. We get bogged down in the details instead of that lackadaisical teenage summers. What if for a few moments we give ourselves permission to enjoy ourselves and each other and glimpse that care free teenage self? That we let the sun caress our skin, that we flirt a little and laugh alot, that we let our expectations rest and not be bogged down in life. What do you think? Life is hard, relationships are hard sometimes, we are hard on ourselves and others. What if we take the chance to move in another direction, what if we take that chance and appreciate those we hold close. Even when it is hard, or easy or just mediocre? That we let the emotional vulnerability happen and we accept that, that we open up to this stage of life and love.The laundry will still pile up, the house will need dusting and dinner cooked. But the sunset isn’t always guaranteed, the moments of peace are far and few between. The chance to make a memory should be held as important as any household chore.
My parents will tell you things weren’t always easy and that life is challenging. That they made mistakes and they did alot right in my opinion. Life is about choices and those choices effect our past, present and future. Love is splendid and should be celebrated, cherished and never taken for granted. Just my humble, well-seasoned, aging opinion. Below is a poem I wrote awhile back and it is just a thought to ponder…..
Young love starts with dreams anew
first dates, holding hands
Love as soft as the new morning dew.
Life goes on and young love grows
life gets hard, our hearts
become entangled
Weeds can replace flowers faster than we know.
Life changes as time marches on
children born, bills to pay
Working late into the night and coming dawn.
Passions change, bodies become slaves to life
spilled milk, messy houses
Gone is quiet time of peace and life is so full of strife.
Love continues to evolve if only fed
children grow, priorities change
Sometimes our hearts go astray once led.
Love becomes constrained, love becomes a chore
Some lose that love and choose to walk out the door.
Oh where is the love that can make your heart sing?
Oh love return that can tie my heart up in a string.
Sorry love that we let life
overshadow your power
Come back to us and let us
bask in your shower.
Rain down on us a love that breathes
a love that is there
to taste, touch and feel
A love that makes the enemy seethe
Oh love shine your face my way
to feel you, sense you
To bask in amazement all day!
My apologies love for not extending my tender loving care
Come back my way for my soul to bare.
Come back to me once again
I promise to you my life to mend.
No more weeds from this daily life
Let your love chase away the strife.
To feel your love shine my way
help us face life, come what may!
May we each tend to the loves in our lives and be a bit kinder to ourselves and each other and bask in the moments and the love we are blessed with. Making the most of the moments and less of the drama
Beginning quote shared from pintrest
Poem is original by this author qs well as this post. All rights reserved.