So I have had a time of self reflection, lots of one sided conversations with myself, come on you do that too admit it. In this crazy world and crazy life changes, we all have some pep talks, inner goddess talks, negative talks. We sometimes are our hardest critics of ourselves. For a few they are their biggest cheerleaders and have egos the size of Texas, but I digress. We live in a society where outward beauty is sought after, praised and celebrated. A world where social media has us craving followers, likes, to become influencers over others. Infidelity runs rampant, comparison to others and insecurities abound. Now not all social media is bad. We stay connected with family and friends, share major life moments, memes to crack up over, opinions that can end friendships and long lost classmates connect. There can be some positive things found in our digital world. Sometimes what we see in the digital world truly is only a glimpse of the whole picture. We put our best faces forward, literally, we show the highlight reel but not the daily grind. So sometimes we have to look outside the bubble of social media and check in with yourself.
So during this self reflection I thought about what I would say to myself. Ask the hard questions, delve deeper into who I am and what do I want. I titled this looking into the mirror but it is looking past the reflection we see, looking past the reflection that we portray, it is really looking at yourself and the person you are at your very core. I don’t like looking in the mirror. I see alot of physical flaws
I see a woman in her early 50s, her body has had babies, it isn’t the young body it once was and the insecurities creep in. Will someone ever find it attractive? I have always been thick in the backside and thighs. I have rosacea so my face is red, my hair is getting wisdom highlights, and the list goes on. Then I tell that negative self talk that I am more than my outward shell
My body has carried and delivered two kids, that is pretty freaking awesome. That I don’t have to wear blush because the redness is always there. And well they make hair color if I get tired of these wisdom highlights. Then I look past the reflection, I look deeper. Deeper thany outward shell, deeper than the parts of my life that I have to share, I look at me. Sometimes we forget the me in all of us.
We live in a society where image has focus, influence has focus, people show parts of their lives that some envy but never see the whole picture. Some people aren’t truthful about who they are and what they stand for. You can have a pretty face but an ugly soul. You can have a less attractive face but a heart of gold. I know physical attraction is part of relationships, how we see ourselves can sometimes effect how others see us. But drop that one facade and be honest with yourself. How do you see yourself? What is it about yourself that you think is amazing? This isn’t a statement of pride, this isn’t an ego booster, this is getting real with yourself before you can be real with others. Be real with yourself. I have known people who project one image but that is far from who they truly are. I see people who have regrets and sorrows but they never deal with them but pull them back out so they don’t move forward. We all have had trauma and losses, some have suffered abuse and neglect, some have lost spouses or children, some have never moved forward in a career change. Each one of these things are a part of your story and who you are, BUT it isn’t the whole story. If it is the whole story, then you are stuck. We all get stuck from time to time, but it is a choice if we stay there or pull ourselves out of the rut. We are complicated beings with complicated lives and history, and that is only part of our reflection.
I recently wrote down a list, and no I am not going to bore you or share with you my list, the list is what I see when I look in the mirror and things I like and don’t like and the list of things that are deeper for those that look past the mirror. I wrote what I don’t like, what I love, what I am blessed with and what I want out of life and love. The next list is to be open to what others want from me, from life. I know that sounds silly, but try it. It is an exercise to look beyond the mirror, to look beyond the likes and comments from social media, it is a chance to look at yourself. Maybe even a chance to recognize what an amazing person you are and beyond what the mirror shows us. To be vulnerable with yourself makes you open to what you want, your desires and honestly vulnerability with others. Think for a minute what layers we hide behind, what persona we reflect and we forget to let who we are reflect in our countenance. We all have things we keep tucked away, the hurts or mistakes we have made for fear of judgement, for fear we won’t be liked. Then there are some who are so brutally honest that they don’t hold back and their brutality can be just as toxic as hiding things. My thoughts are why can’t we be real with ourselves and be real with others. My Dad would tell me growing up, ‘No matter where you live, what you drive, if you wear designer clothes you are still you’. Not what a teenager wants to hear but so very true. We can hide behind all the traps of life, social media, staying closed off behind our walls OR we can realize that our pasts have brought us to our present as a lesson and not a judgement. To not judge ourselves. I am tired of alot of things myself. That is another list I made. What I think I may tolerate and what I can’t tolerate anymore. How about you? Things that happen in your life that you don’t want to have a repeat of again? Any behaviors you don’t want to be around? Anything you want to change? These are fundamental parts of who we are. They may not always be pleasing but they are real. If your spouse annoys you with habits, talk about it, don’t let resentment build. Communicate. And if you are an over communicate, don’t be sorry, that is who you are. Another thing I thought of is sometimes how much we apologize. We apologize for things that aren’t our fault or just to say sorry as a filler. That is underlying anxiety, the need to apologize when not your fault, or apologize to keep the peace. Sometimes when you become vulnerable, people use what they know against you. I don’t know what you think about that but I think we can over apologize, we apologize for things not our fault or in our control. I do know this, I am tired of dimming my light. I overlove, over think, over care. If someone can’t handle me in any form of a relationship with my flaws and my goodness, well maybe I don’t need them at my table. It doesn’t mean I can’t change and learn and grow, but the person I am doesn’t have to change to meet expectations. We each learn and grow and should be able to continue to work on ourselves but who we are should always be enough. When someone makes you feel that you are too much or not enough, well maybe they aren’t your person.
Please know I don’t have all the answers and this conundrum of thoughts is to spark thoughts and conversations. To maybe make each of us think. It makes me think. This was to just maybe make each of us to look beyond the reflection we see and hold that mirror up to look beyond the physical imperfections, the physical assets, the heart and soul, the thoughts and love, the wants and desires that course through our minds. Each of this makes the whole picture, more than a selfie, more than a social media post, more than what we think we look like in other’s eyes but what we see through our own eyes. Again, you can be beautiful, sexy, attractive, cute, handsome, any of these adjectives, but when you recognize the whole person and the inner goddess, the thinker, the lover, the caring person, that outward reflection glows. So look in the mirror and embrace the image of you, embrace your amazing self. I know I am going to try to do this!
