Ok so yesterday I wrote about love and expectations and finding love in the everyday moments. And I still believe that and am striving to live that everyday. But today, I want to talk about romance novels. How these covers that show golden haired heroes, the dark haired, blue eyed corporate man with a lost little boy side, the cowboy, the boxer, the MMA fighter, the billionaire, the handyman, the vampire and werewolf, the duke and prince, the butler and the stable boy, the scottish men and their kilts and well the list of men go on. Not to mention the perfect women, perfect bodies, daddy issues, starving artist, wide-eyed college student, single mom, waitress, vampire, exotic dancer, tattoo artist, the princess and duchess, the chambermaid and the bar keeper, the time traveler and that list goes on as well. I have read just about every genre of romance novels. I can admit it, no shame in my game. I have disappeared into a field of wildflowers, stayed on the shores of the scottish isles, I have read about faeries and wizards, time travelers and dual lives in separate worlds. I have read about women who have to marry to carry on a family name while their heart beats for a man that wasn’t in high society. I have read where the women wear corsets, behave in manners not acceptable for a lady. I have read of tattoo artists and mystery and intrigue. Vampires and werewolves, packs and dens of blood lust and debauchery And yes back to corsets and bondage. I have read from historical romances of horse drawn carriages and chaste kisses before they were betrothed. I have read modern romances of billionaires falling for normal everyday girls, stories of hurtful pasts, pain in pleasure and healing found in love. I have read scenes that have made me cry, touched my heart with how sweet the words written. I have read scenes so steamy you make sure no one is looking over your shoulder and you blush but have to re-read the passages to make sure you didnt miss anything. You know for research purposes to be prepared if I am asked about any of these particular scenarios in the world of my work–wink wink.
These books definitely are fantasy. There aren’t really people like this in real life that are really the total package. Supple breasts, no cellulite, hair that is perfect. Men that are in perfect shape, have the stamina of Cassanova and always make sure the women seeks her pleasure first. A world of weekend trips, money is no object, sex all the time, and drama is easily resolved. It can skew the way someone sees the world of relationships and yes sex. Heck, it skews how we see ourselves and others. And side note, I am not being negative nancy and being cynical. I am being real about some of the expectations these books can place on the mind of our inner goddess. They can give us thoughts of some unrealistic expectations. I mean we are out of the time frame of formal balls, gowns and parties on the veranda. We don’t live in a world where someone can fall through ancient stones to a different time and fall into the arms of a handsome man in a kilt (damn it). We live in a world where kink is available but short on millionaires seeking middle aged women to fulfill their many shades of fantasies.
So what is the draw of these books? What makes us fall head over heels for the love story and for that handsome lead character? I will admit, there have been times that I have been so caught up in a story that I have dreamt about it. I can’t wait to open my kindle to the next page. I have missed sleep to finish a book to then just be upset that the story ended. Now that can happen with any well-written book. You completely immerse yourself into the stories and characters. I don’t know about you, but I see myself in my mind’s eye as the characters in the story. I disappear into a different world. Maybe that is the draw of the romance novels. A break from reality while you visit another.
The pressure can be on men after we read one of these books. Why can’t he look at me like I am the most amazing woman in the world who knows my every thought. That is romantic and tough, sweet but domineering, masculine but thoughtful. We get a mixture of all these traits in one character. And goodness, the sex. The pressure to live up to these men who live between the pages of these books. I mean come on, some of the things they write about are pure fantasy. And the women are slim and perfect, easy to orgasm (yes shocker I said this) and they are either damsels in distress or a guarded woman in heels who is way too perfect. Where are the stories of regular people? Well we know these stories wouldn’t sell. It would be about bills and household chores, stepping on legos and peeing when you laugh. T-shirts and lounge pants versus lingerie and high heels. Kids getting sick and dogs sleeping on the bed. Quickies in the laundry room while the kids are outside. Crockpot dinners and watching game shows after dinner. Gray hair and double chins, dunlap bellies and f.o.p.a’s. Regular everyday life. A far cry from red bedrooms, tropical destinations, a veranda on a cool evening, a fancy restaurant with a little black dress. Maybe that is why we disappear into these books. Our inner goddess desires an escape. You love your everyday life you have been blessed with, but your inner goddess is a ho!
You may love your partner with all that you are and are beyond blessed with the life you have. And because of that we shouldn’t want to escape behind the latest novel. But we can’t help ourselves. I think we just have to be sure not to always expect that fantasy to be real life. And some of you know what I mean. There is not one perfect person, one perfect lover, one perfect scenario. Sure we can role play, we can spice things up but our lives are not like a romance novel. Life is hard and life is real. We are all perfectly imperfect. Sure men would want a hot sex kitten with a body like a brickhouse. Women want a rugged man with those sexy V things on his abs and the stamina of a teenager. No toilets to clean and car maintenance, budgets and bills, kids and jobs. So yes, we slip away to the fantasy world hidden in the golden pages of a book.
Those fantasies are an escape but never a replacement fo real life. The billionaire will never know the richness of a handmade card. The sexy outfits won’t ever be as comfortable as your lounge clothes. That your person loves you for your curly hair, no filter and middle aged body. And you love your person even though they aren’t as emotional as that leading character but their arms make you feel loved. So disappear into that fantasy world of kilts and romance, but let’s try to keep a foot in reality. That we love with all that we have and give our best to the person we love. It may not be like a romance novel, but it is real and should be treated as the most precious thing. See, in all those novels the underlying theme is love. It may start out as lust, but the need to love and be loved is the underlying theme. Be it in the written word or in the real world. We all want to be loved.
So if your man isn’t like Fabio, and your woman isn’t a Claire, that is ok. They are your person that your heart beats for. Let them know they are your heartbeat. The gestures don’t have to be extravagant, the thought is what counts. Stay motivated to keep the romance alive. You may slip away into the world of romance novels, but stay present in your real life romance. Laugh at the awkward moments, get lost in your partner and their touch, take the time to make your own romance novel. I think my novel would be about a man who fell for a curly headed, fluffy girl who like to laugh and loved with all she had. And oh yeah, she liked to read about vampires and men who wear kilts😉
