Hard days is an understatement right now. I know I am no more special in this time than you are. There are things that are happening that are so out of our control, and well I guess I have more control issues than I want to realize. Home life is different, work is completely different. My job has had to make cuts and hard decisions that have effected so many lives and once again social distanced us even more. And speaking of social distancing, this all keeps not only me, you as well, from seeing our family and friends and the people we love. We are supposed to only be around people that are under the same roof. There is new news everyday of stastics and projections, new protocols, what to expect, everywhere you look it is like being caught in a rip tide.
I feel like there is so much right now. I feel so ashamed for complaining about a normal routine in the past, for being fearful and anxious at times. Exhausted yet sometimes unable to sleep. And everyone of you are going through this. I have been informed of that. Some are upset to have to stay home, some are afraid that they have to work. Kids are bored, parents are stressed, parents worried about their kids and their own parents. Financial stresses, supply stresses. This time is like no other in our world. The lack of human contact and interaction. Thoughts of relaxing weekends versus making sure you have supplies and over cleaning to avoid germs. One virus has changed our whole world and now our world has changed and probably will be changes from years to come.
The words essential, social distancing are now involved in everyday conversations. We realize even more how social interaction and human touch mean so much in our lives and like the saying goes– you don’t know what you have until it is gone. The reassuring pat to a patient’s arm, silly side hugs with your co- workers, hugging your mom, being held in a lover’s embrace. Family get togethers and just being around people without fear for everyone’s health. I have always been a homebody and enjoy being home but I still miss some very special people. This term essential is annoying. I ranted on social media that we ALL are essential. We all have essential roles today. Be it a mom or dad, care taker, student and child, your parents and grandparents are essential. Truck drivers, grocery workers, bank tellers, plumbers, HVAC, EMS, police, CNA’s, nurses and doctors, medical personnel–you get the picture. The thing is we are ALL ESSENTIAL to our families, our jobs, our communities. We all have different talents and abilities that we contribute, one no more important than another.
I have been a nurse for almost 32 years and never have I seen anything like this. I have been at my current job 22 years. To see them having to make these decisions during this time is unfathomable. To see co-workers being furloughed to help decrease exposure and keep things afloat until this virus curve flattens, has been both physically and emotionally exhausting. To feel guilt for still working, thankful to still be working, to aware how important it is to stay healthy and to run with the baton now so it can be passed on when the furloghed employees return. The tears of your co-workers, my own tears, the grace and humility of a few showing where their faith is, the hurt feelings and so many emotions. Each person is essential and each are important no matter how they feel. Medicine in a weird way, has always felt safe as far as demand and job security. This has been such a shock to us all. I was accused by a previous co-worker this was “my carrer” and I didn’t identify with others and took the part of my employer. How sad of a statement. There is no shame being loyal to a job, blessed that as a single parent for 17 years–and raising 2 kids while working on my “career”, working in a field thatI still find fascinating and humbling; to respect the people I work for. Some of you know what I am speaking of. I see an employer who was a pioneer in our community with the vision of their practice who have worked hard to care for those that cross the threshold to our office, all the while raising their own families and dealing with all of us employees. All of this doesn’t make me a brown nosed employee, doesn’t make my employer perfect nor myself. It makes me a grown ass woman who gets aggravated when some people are essentially ignorant. I couldn’t make the decisions they have in the past or now. I can imagine the stress amd strain as we all are feeling it. I miss my co-workers, I miss our moments of laughter and my heart hurts for those that are facing any of this.
So how do we get through this all? Do we self-destruct or do we pull ourself up by the boot straps? We have become a very entitled bunch of people and I see that everyday. I see those rays of sunshine peek through the negativity. I hear the kind words and good deeds that somehow don’t make it to the news but mean so very much. I see the same shocked look on peoples faces to moments of unexpected laughter. My thoughts are that we continue to strive to remember who we were before Covid 19, how we treat other people, how we NEVER take the people in our lives for granted. That we have our inner goddess to tell our anxiety to chill out and we continue to practice self-care and care for others. No matter if you are working, furloughed, working from home, doing the hard job of stay at home mom on top of quarantined circumstances, each person needs to know they matter and loved. That we break social distancing not physically but emotionally. Think about our ancestors– they would shake their heads in disbelief by the things we are getting upset with right now. They didn’t have internet and a big box store to shop at. They had gardens and canning and wood cook stoves and out houses. They wrote letters, they read their Bibles. Early to bed and early to rise. Sometimes I feel like a petulant child when I bemoan our current situation. I am not taking away how scary this virus is, I am taking away how we are coping with it. The best we can but we can also do better.
I don’t have all the answers (my ex-husband would disagree) and I have way too many thoughts. I know each of you feel the same way. I wish I had a solution, I wish I could hug some of you longer and tighter than the last time I hugged you. I am thankful to say if you are in my life, you are essential to this planet and my well-being. I will be so thankful for the day when Covid and social distancing are words of the past. I am thankful for the sanctuary of my home and food in our bellies and our health. Maybe all of this is for each of us to take a step back. Instead of running errands and chasing our next item to acquire, this is a time to be grateful what we have and most importantly who we have. We realize that we all are essential in all we do and who we are. That hearts and hurts be healed and fears and anxiety will be squelched. I don’t have all the answers and usually have more questions, but I know that we need to pull together now more than ever and that we don’t stay locked in our own bubbles. Stay home and stay safe but in this world of innovation, reach out across the airwaves, use your phone to call someone, write a letter, let someone know you care. We all need that now, more than ever before. Please stay safe and well. Stay home unless you are going to work or the store, stay home. Flatten this curve so that we can get to the next stage of this pandemic. Also please know, I am always a call away and have a good ear for listening. Stay well and on these hard days, be easy on yourselves and others.
