Hey everyone! How is everyone really doing right now? This time in our lives is like no other and one of the most stressful times at home, at work, every area of our lives. We get so caught up in numbers and statistics, cleaning and cooking, surviving work to get back home. It is alot. So please hang in there!!! This pandemic is the worst April fools trick ever!!
I wanted to write a little bit today ( I woke up at 4 AM so why not?) Today would have been my dad’s birthday. His first birthday that he isn’t here on this earth. This has been a year of firsts. We have gone through our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now his birthday. We would always ask what he wanted for his birthday and he would always say ‘nothing’. Save your money. Of course we didn’t listen. Dad wasn’t always easy to find gifts for because he really didn’t have a wish list. He never said, ‘I really want this’. There were things he enjoyed but he never was over needy. His gifts were varied from all of us growing up. It got to a point that Mom asked us not to buy anymore blue shirts lol….so we branched out to other colors (Dad wore blue shirts with his job and blue pants, it became a theme for a little while). Sheet music when he was learning the banjo, computer games, tools, videos of old westerns, books—he loved books– then we branched out to the digital books (dad did ok with that but a paperback with those folded down pages were dad). My Aunt got him Jelly beans every year, it became a tradition!
Birthdays for our family has always been a big deal for us. Growing up mom made birthdays and Christmas special. Homemade cakes, bakery cakes, favorite meals, a special present. Dad’s birthday was no different. Last year’s birthday was tough, he didn’t feel well, he was waiting on calls to figure out appointments that would diagnose and treat his lung cancer. We had dinner and tried to celebrate and keep the impending diagnosis from my kids until we knew for sure. His last birthday here was a tough one for him but a blessing he was here. And now, he is having a heavenly birthday like no other. He isn’t worried about cancer, this pandemic, gaining weight from the extra piece of cake. He is healed and happy. He is spending his birthday with his mom and dad and so many loved ones. Our hearts ache a bit, our mind sees his face and hear him get tickled, or hear him say–‘youins shouldn’t have gotten me anything but thank you’; hear how he would tease and aggravate my kids and give mom that signature “pop kiss” and give my sister and I that pat like hug. All of these memories and so many more tucked in our hearts and memories.
He was a quiet constant, a security and strength. Now don’t get me wrong, he could get aggravated and angry and had these wicked eyebrows that could still make me crumble when directed my way. He had his ways, we all do. His ways weren’t all bad, strict at times and adamant in his thoughts. He had flaws and regrets, perfections and triumphs. Just like we all do. But he was always there for whomever needed him. He would do his best to help anyone if he could, in anyway possible. Right now if he were here, he would be helping mom(and she would worry he would get sick or be exposed) he would check on his neighbors and call his brothers, he would drive my son to work and play with our dog, he would tell my sister and I to be prepared. That is who he was. That is part of why he is missed. I am thankful he isn’t being exposed to this virus–he would have been at the most risk but he would have plowed through like a bull for those he loved. He never said I love you very often to us growing up, but he demonstrated his love instead. Took me many years to accept that. I wanted to hear those words but as I sit here and look back and cry just a bit, I see so much love other than the words spoken.
Those who didn’t know my dad won’t see what I see, these memories will feel like verbal dribble to most as you don’t know me, you didn’t know him. He would give you the shirt off his back and if you upset him he would want to jerk a knot in your tail. He was slow to anger unless pushed too far, he loved my mom so very much and loved to tease and aggravate her as well. He was such a good grandfather and to watch him with my kids was amazing to watch and see the other side of dad that I don’t remember as a kid. So many facets to one man. I know you each have a plethora of memories about your dad too. That is the thing about Dads, they are the protectors, fixers, quiet strength, hard working men in our lives.
So happy birthday Dad. May your celebration in heaven be as spectacular as I imagine with a reunion with so many that now reside on the streets of gold. You are breathing easy, no worries of pandemics and jobs (we all know you would be working your behind off if you were here). We will miss celebrating you today, our meal together, your favorite dessert (all prepared by mom bustling about to make your day special) opening presents, and taking pictures and hearing your voice, just being with you. You see that is that selfish side of of me, of all of us that we don’t want to part with those we love. But we can’t compete with heaven, we have to realize that your time here was done. We have to realize that time is so very short and heaven is the home we should look forward to. We know all these things but we still miss you. I know we all do, not just on your birthday but everyday. I know mom misses you something fierce and we are missing being with her due to this current pandemic. Life is crazy and fun and most of all fleeting. Death makes us realize that and birth makes us kind of forget that thought. So dad, I hope today is amazing for you, that you rejoice and sing and maybe pull a few pranks or jokes and know you are loved and missed so very much!! I promise we will keep you close in our hearts today and always. And don’t worry, us girls haven’t mowed the grass so those lines in the yard are straight!! Happy birthday daddy.
