I am a woman, duh, I have worked in women’s health for 29 years and I have had the privelege of talking to women in all different stages and I have been through a lot of stages myself. My blog has been a lot about my kids but there is another side. Believe it or not you can be a mom and a woman at the same time. Sometimes I think we forget that….
One thing about this blog is I will always be real. I will never intentionally offend anyone but I am also going to be real. I have worried part of my life of what others may think or feel about me. There are things in my life that haven’t been pretty, I have made choices and some choices made for me that aren’t shining moments. My body has gone through 3 pregnancies, 2 cesarean sections and a D&C for a weird pregnancy loss– molar pregnancy–tried to nurse 2 babies, be a mom, work full time, then a single mom, a few too many beers at times and an affinity for chocolate. But I am me and I will be honest and real. So now back on topic….
We as women sometimes lose that womanly side of ourselves. We are daughters and then become women with jobs, responsibilities, life. We go from girls getting excited for that special guy to pick us up for a date–all the while he doesn’t know the thought you put in to your out fit, your hair, and yes your undewear. We flirt we embrace our inner little heffer exquisite goddess. Then we either get married or become life partners and we get bogged down with life we forget that sparkly, flirty southern belle that had butterflies waiting for him to hold your hand or that first kiss. Now before you ladies get upset, men do the same thing. They chase their woman with passion and interest, flowers and playing with your hair and then they forget the romance. They get caught up in the rat race of life and take your inner goddess for granted. If bith parties realized that the better the relationship is outside the bedroom it can be 10 times better back in the bedroom.
When did we stop trying? When did we take life and love for granted? Why do some women feel sexuality is taboo? Why do some men stray because their woman has changed in their looks, their sexiness isn’t as sexy? Relationships are not just sex. It is one part if it. Something meaningful when shared, something playful, something to be desired. It is but one layer to be built on and explored.
Listen, I don’t have all the answers. If I did, well I could retire and make bank! I messed up in my marriage. I got carried away with working, with the house. When kids came along, yes kids got a large part of my attention and there were some days I didnt have anything left to give. My ex-husband was far from blameless either but I can only answer for myself. There were alot of things that occurred in our life together and I am not going to go in to detail, but we both messed up alot and truthfully more him than me😊! Life, kids, responsibilities and we forgot the couple part of life. Resentment and frustration became the winner and desire and compassion for another became less. Some couples forget you aren’t against each other, you are a team and a team that needs to be built up in ALL areas of life.
Each person should be accepted and loved as we are. Looks change, bodies change, health issues happen. Life gets hard and stresses happen and moods aren’t always good, but the choices we make us are our own. We as women can make choices to accept all of us. It is okay to be flirty and womanly, it is ok to dress for yourself, it is so wanted to be accepted. It is ok not to be rail thin or to be curvy. Your body has done amazing things and it may be too thin or too thick or not what you want it to be. But it is your body and when the right person is in your life, well they will love and want all of you just like you will them. It is not ok to be made to feel ashamed for how you look, or dress or ashamed of your past. You are you and got to where you are through all kinds of trials and triumphs. Same goes for the men out there
Intimacy is a complicated journey. For men, it can be a visual journey and for women it can start in the mind. And sometimes it can be visual and mental for both parties. We get hung up on how we look…are my boobs too little, I look fat, will she think my member isn’t the right size, my beer belly is too big (for all intense purposes the last comment was from a man’s perspective about his belly not my beer belly 🙄). Desire should be there no matter the outward shell. Desire that person for who they are, their heart, their humor, all that makes them the person you chose to be with in life. The outward shell is a bonus but that emotional connection makes intimacy a whole other level.
I guess what I am saying is don’t ignore your whole person. You can be a great worker, super mom, PTA president. But you also have a womanly side to embrace. We all have an inner goddess that wants to escape (as well as drunken sailors, bohemian hobos and a few other personalities). My inner goddess is a chubby goddess who has inappropriate comments, dirty thoughts and the desire that rivals that of an adolescent teenager and a heart full of love. Embrace yourselves and talk to your partner. Buy that sexy underwear, dress in what makes you feel good, buy the racy lingerie, explore your desires. And guys, when a woman buys sexy underwear or lingerie, well it isn’t just for you, it makes us feel good to. And both of you let your guards down, remember what it felt like when you first fell for each other. Don’t focus on his dirty socks on the floor and dishes in the sink and all the annoying habits we each have, think about what you love and not what aggravates you.
Now, there is nothing wrong with comfy t-shirts and comfy clothes. We aren’t Victoria Secret models. Be and do what makes you feel feminine, feel like not just a mom/cook/chauffeur/etc. And guys, this applies to you to. Let your womam know you find her attractive and desirable be it an over sized t-hirt or her lacy panties or in the raw. Guys can be sexy too– from clothes that make them feel good to boxer briefs to cologne to just the way you look at her. I promise you if you talk to her outside the bedroom, help out with the overwhelming chores of life, flirt with her, let her know she matters….well you will get more than lucky behind closed doors or under a blanket of stars. We as women feel like we have so many things going at once, to hear what we mean, or we look nice, a touch and yes even a slap on our ass to say that is mine– well each thing can mean more than you know. And the more we each communicate and appreciate each other the more we want to explore all areas of a relationship.
Plan dates, send that flirty text, write a love note–on paper the shocker of being traditional, sneak out for a night away, kiss in the laundry room. Talking to women over the years they want to be wanted and respected and heard When we are young we have the advantage of young bodies and boundless energy. Then as we age things change. Women in my age group feel they have to sometimes compete with the younger counterparts. Changes with pregnancy, surgeries and OMG MENOPAUSE!! All impact both parties. Affairs happen, porn is at the fingertips, people fall out of love and into lust. Some women feel like they need to go fifty shades in all directions just to keep the attention of the one they love and desire. Side note– I read Fifty shades and saw the movies I will admit some of it sounded pretty hot and I will admit some of it sounded painful. The point is we dont have to be tied to a crossbar to be sexy or a chester drawer full of toys to be turned on. We don’t have to compete with those little young wisps out there. We have to embrace ourselves and our desires and our partner. And for you men who think the grass is greener and you dump your fifty-something partner that has been your help mate and cheerleader for a girl whose boobs don’t droop–yet. Well go ahead, trade in that woman who has stood by you and knows you like the back of her hand and who has the experience to know what she wants and needs from life and sexually as well. Trade in that confident woman for a younger version, and that mature woman who knows how to rock your world may rock someone else’s. Just saying. It aggravates me when I hear this happen, this mid life crisis, the hurt and devestation that it causes. Anyways that is a rant for another day.
So this lengthy train of thought does have a destination. The destination is sex. Don’t be afraid of it (in a relationship that is, be afraid of it with ramdom people as this can be a scary and unsure path. Always practice safe sex). Embrace your inner goddess no matter your age or body type or any other obstacles. Don’t compare yourself and your sex life to others. You and your partner know what you want and it doesn’t have to keep up with the Jones’s (because they have their own set of issues that are behind closed doors). Let your man know you crave him no matter the situation. Let her know she is beautiful with her t-shirt and sweats as much as she is in that lacy gown. Touch each other, rub her shoulders, pat his ass while he is walking by. Plan a simple picnic at sunset, buy his favorite tool or favorite meal. When we do little things like this we stay connected. Raising families, working jobs, life are all demanding. But if we don’t feed and care for our relationships as much as we care for everything else, they can wilt as quickly as the petunias in your front yard.
Women, embrace that inner goddess. Wear something out of the normal routine, buy the non- practical lacy undergarments, indulge in a pedicure, lovely lotions, read Fifty shades or get lost in a historical romance, a few dirty thoughts and fantasies, explore that sexy side. We are still moms and in the work force and all our other roles, but we are women too. When we feel sexy and confident we feel good and our partners pick up on it, we pick up on it. Men….talk to your women, touch your women, let her know what you think, you read a historical romance and your mind will be blown by the innocence and sexiness of a corset! Remember for women it starts in the brain…tell me your thoughts, tell me what I mean to you, wash the dishes….well let’s just say you will be a lucky man. If we women put forth ourselves and effort, men you have to as well. When either party feels accepted for who they are, how they look, and desired…the rest should fall in place.
Now listen, don’t read this and try a whole scene out of Fifty Shades and hurt yourself! Remember, your journey is yours. Age, total hips 😜 and other physical ailments as well as whiskey can impair functions from one time to another. There are a variety of ways to be intimate and your only limit is lack of motivation and imagination and participation. So yes, I am a good mom but I am a good, fantastic sexy woman. That part of me is just as vital and important. My heffer of an inner goddess is saying DAMN STRAIGHT and is glad that I let her make her influence on my life known! So embrace yourself, talk to your partner, know it is ok to be a sexual being and know that you are sexy and amazing!!! Only you know you are wearing that sexy pair of panties, or shocker no panties, under those yoga pants in the car rider line. (Unless you are then in an accident and are discovered by EMS, true story lurks here folks)! Embrace all parts of who you are because you are just you but what an amazing, beautiful, desirable, sexy, intelligent amazing you.
