So here we are day 2, how are the resolutions going? How do you feel in this new decade? I am feeling sassy and a bit lazy. I have been off from work this week and have come to realize alot. I have realized that I still wake up at the same time everyday without an alarm. I have found that being lazy in bed after waking up and strolling through the creative world of Pintrest is a rabbit hole of distraction. That it has felt amazing to not have to do anything but decide what pajamas to wear and what to watch on TV. That the hustle and bustle of life is draining and that your home should be your sanctuary.What else has been going on in your world? What thoughts have you had about life and your journey? What have I thought about you ask? Well we don’t have that much time or space to cover it all. I have thought about my great aunt Alice that would sleep in and her sweet husband would make her breakfast so she could rest and her sweet face crossed my mind. My grandmother’s many sayings like ‘dear father’, ‘you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear’. I have thought about alot of things in these past 48 hours. That is to my joy and detriment.I have thought about life, about loss and dreams, about my family and for those my heart beats for and myself. I have thought about how to balance better. To not feel so caught in the rat race of life. To figure out how not to be so tired and so stressed. To make small moments count and try to make moments in life. I have thought about expectations of myself and others. I have been a brat as I sometimes want too much and well I have been in a different mood. I have thought about being real. How about you? Some of these thoughts have crossed your mind, I know they have. What can we do to make our lives richer and not financially but in all other areas?Well I have thought about that to. It is about being real and being true to who we are and not to be fearful. I will start, I mean duh I always seem to verbal vomit. I have fears that are many….fearful I will be alone as I am not enough yet too much. Worry about my kids and their well-being and safety. I worry about making all ends meet as a single mom financially, emotionally and spiritually. I worry about my mom and sister and feel inferior as my role of a daughter and sister. I worry that in the hectic pace of my job I will be the best nurse I can be.I am realizing I am aging. Now I am not ready go to the nursing home and I can still drop it like it is hot but the getting back up is more challenging. The gray hair is refusing to stay dyed, rosacea is taking over my face. My jeans are tight from over indulging this past month and I am a thick woman. I realize after indulging in adult beverages and being a bit over zealous in personal grooming— well that itches growing back in. Yep you just spit out your coffee!! The need to be sexy and have it all together, the pressure women put on themselves and each other is overwhelming. We each are sexy on our own way and there is someone for everyone. I have said it many times, the outward shell is just one part of who we are and it isn’t all we are. Thank goodness as my inner goddess is hot as hell and sexy and well she helps this girl out a little bit.I am real. Real thoughts and actions. I am not perfect. I try my hardest everyday and if I love you I will fight for you, protect you and love you like no one else. I have realized that some of those people that have crossed my path were just a speed bump and that some were truly a sow’s ear. They belly up to the trough of Steph seeing what all they can take and yet they take what they can and roll around in the mud. These people are few thank goodness and are people that I choose not to hold dear nor give further thought to how they tried to drain me. They are people that don’t know the real me and sadly themselves. There are selfish people out there and well I honestly feel bad for them. They are missing out on life. Ok enough of those negative heffers, back to the fun stuff. I love to read trashy romance novels and mysteries. Yes I fall down the rabbit hole of the dirty duke and the bossy billionaire, it happens. I can just admit it. I love wine and a bubble bath or a good beer with even better company. My house is clean but cluttered. I say things that are inappropriate, so just imagine my thoughts. I am simple and try to find a bit of joy when I can. My kids hugging me, the sun dancing across the water and feeling its warmth on my face. Hearing my mom’s voice and missing my dad’s. Remembering life growing up with my sister and feel frustrated how we don’t see eye to eye. A kiss that makes my toes curl and the need for more. Driving on a curvy road with the bass beating so hard you feel it down to your core. Flirting awkwardly and learning about people. Yes I am a people pleaser, an empath, a woman. Complex, far from perfect, flaws galore, insecurities a plenty and well just plain old emotional. A hopeless romantic who enjoys her fantasy world sometimes over reality. A woman who has been blessed to be a nurse and have an impact on the lives I have been priveleged to care for. Blessed to have a family that has loved me despite myself and the choices I have made. To have 2 kids who have turned out well despite the challenges of being in a single parent home for 16 years. I am such a mess but I am so very blessed. A private life that is mine and I am blessed with that part as well. We all have to have moments that are private as they are so pure they need to stay tucked in your heart and not posted on the gram.I post on social media silly stuff, uplifting stuff, pictures of life, spiritual posts as well. I try to refrain posting the more shocking and dirty memes but yeah I read them and giggle quite a bit. But there is so much about me that can’t be gleaned from a post. Even more than what is on this blog. Isn’t that the case with each of us? We are all each compmlex and simple and more than meets the eye? All those attributes and insecurities and doubts are all real. And are only a couple of layers that exists. Each kayer so very reak. How are your layers?So day 2 of a new decade. A day to be thankful for paid time off, a chance for another day to be with my kids. Yes another day for a great cup of coffee and an even better 5:00 somewhere beverage. A day where I am missing many that are no longer physically here and some that are. I am however regretting my food choices as my jeans are tight as crap. So when payday rolls around, back on the healthy eating train so that I can be healthy. I will never be skinny but I can be healthy. You don’t get all of this junk in the trunk just from carrots, and well I like my curves, just got to get them in a bit better shape.So yes day 2 of a new decade. A day to be real and to embrace the ups and downs and imperfections in life. To acknowledge that we each are fearfully and wonderfully made and it is ok to just be us. Be real today and everyday forward. Be thankful for another day and make someone feel special today. Life is so short to be anyone but who we are made to be. Now I have written so much, I have to see what my bossy billionaire has decided to do with the girl with curly hair and glasses (gosh that sounds like me 😉😉). Have an amazing and a real pre-Friday and may today be the best blessing yet!