So we now are over half-way through the first month of a new year and new decade. Can you believe that? How are your resolutions going? How are you doing? I decided this year I wouldn’t make resolutions but intentions. I know the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but so is life. Resolutions can be confining for some and when they are not achieved the feeling of defeat is strong. Think about it….when you fall of the diet bandwagon, you throw in the towel and go back to your old diet. You hit the gym hard in January and then you forget your work out clothes, it is a Tuesday and well you quit. Stopping smoking is hard and you are angry and you pick it back up again. We beat ourselves up which adds to those unhealthy thoughts and patterns in our lives
So I am not being a whimp by having intentions. I am just as strong in my intentions as you are in your resolutions. We all have different ways that we set goals for ourselves, different ways of internal dialogue we participate in. We can resolve to make intentions to change. It is a step in a journey. You can resolve and resolutely stand behind choices but it is important to give yourself grace to be human. Let’s just take dieting as an example. The first of the year, after over indulging the last two months of the year, we jump on the bandwagon of weight loss and health. Partly for the pressure we put on ourselves and partly from what is expected in our world and media. Believe me, diet and gym commercials are playing non-stop. Think about it. If you reviewed your resolutions from years past they would probably be– lose weight, get healthy, exercise more, quit smoking, work less and more time with our families. We each have uttered these things. Unfortunately, right about this time in the month, we drift from our resolve. Life gets hard and gets in the way and it just is hard. We have to work to afford to live, we eat out of boredom and stress. I don’t know about you, but a cupcake can soothe more than a carrot stick, just saying. We start shuffling schedules and promises to spend time together when we get a chance and then our resolve disappears.
It is a fact that it takes three weeks for a change to become a habit. It takes that first step to make a change. The new year is a fresh start. We expect more, society expects more, and we use the new year to change our lives and a new outlook. But if we think about it, each new day is a new start. Yes, there is nothing like that calendar flipping to a new year and that is exciting . Unknown adventures and possibilities. We get carried away with it just like a shiny new toy. But that toy starts to get a little warn and played with too much and it joins all the old toys. Kind of like our resolutions. They start sparkly and fresh and then dull in the face of reality.
So how about we make the changes to make better habits? I have been on a weight loss journey myself. I was doing really well and then life hit me in the face and back side. My dad died, my daughter went to college and the demands became greater in my life along with grief, worry and responsibility. I started slipping away from meal planning, had that extra adult beverage and a few more desserts than needed. In September I was down 50 pounds. I hate to admit but I have gained 10 pounds back. BUT, instead of saying screw it, I am choosing to reset myself. I am choosing to intend to do better and realize life isn’t just about dieting but becoming healthy. It isn’t about doing a diet perfectly but just trying. And finally it is self- forgiving. I am far from perfect. I enjoy dessert, I enjoy wine or beer, I enjoy food. I am learning after 52 years thay food isn’t my enemy and I am not expected to be anyone but me. What about you? Who do you want to be and intend to do?
I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. I was thick before being thick was popular. I remember being in high school, never feeling thin enough or pretty. I had those awkward years like we all did. Braces, curly hair, acne. Well, atleast the braces are gone now. 😉 When I was in high school, I never felt that I was pretty or thin. My senior year I weighed 125 pounds and some of the heffers I went to school with still said I was fat. Take note, this will be the only time you will see or read my weight! I let them get in my head. I let them shake the young woman I was trying to be. I dated a guy who said ‘you are cute but your body would be better if you worked out’. I have always been self-conscious of my weight. Of how I look and how others perceive me. Wow, what an utter waste of my time and energy. I have self-sabatoged myself by emotionally eating. I had an ex-husband who was emotionally abusive and knew my weak spots and assured me no one would ever want or love me for the way I looked and for who I was and they would use me and leave me. Is that messed up or what? For the record, he is a jerk. So food has been a comfort, it has been a drug to soothe emotions, it has been present during celebrations and sorrows and has been a huge part of my life and a huge stumbling block. Have you ever felt that? Ever experienced that? Had those resolutions that this year you would be better and your self hatred end with this new year and this new diet?
I have tried just about every diet known to man. Military diet, low calorie, low fat, low carb, fried chicken liver diet, Nutrisystem and Weight Watchers (just so you know this isn’t a paid endorsement for any mention of these institutions). The thing is, it isn’t a food thing, it is an attitude thing. It is a thing where I have had to learn my worth and realize I am more than my weight. I will never be stick model thin. I have cellulite, I am jiggly, I have junk in the trunk, I have scars that are seen and unseen. I have gray hair coming in that refuses the best of Ms. Clariol. My joints ache, get stiff at times and snap, crackle, pop I have a thyroid that went rogue and well I am far from model material. I also know that the jiggly parts are just that, parts. My body did a miraculous thing, it grew two babies born via cesarean section, hence scars. My offending thyroid was evicted for not being a team player, another scar. And my heart and mind have more scars than Carter has liver pills. Some are deep and ugly and some are stitched back together but threatening to break open. Some self-inflicted negative thoughts and so many from the hurts from others. But this body has carried me through life. She carried two kids, nursed and cared for them, she endured nursing school and a career as a nurse for almost 32 years. Her arms have held those she has loved, her hands held by her parents and held her grandmother and dad’s as they passed away and she has been held by some that truly loved her and some who didn’t know what love is. She has walked into situations and relationships that weren’t healthy and limped away to self-respect. So yeah, she may not look like the ladies on TV, but she is pretty damn amazing. Think about yourself, think about your journey in life and what your body has done for you and carried you through. So maybe instead of always comparing to what we think we aren’t, maybe we think of who we are? Our bodies are just one part of us. Our character, our heart, our soul are just as important.
We have to take care of our bodies and that is important. We can sabatoge our health from the choices we make. I haven’t always made the best choices. I will tell you when I have declared resolutions and I fail, I haven’t made good choices in response. Emotional eating is a real thing people. But, this is about intentions. Not beating oneself up for past sins and past choices but taking a day at a time. So today, I am making the intention of back on the bandwagon. Will I do it perfectly, I know I will not. But will I try, you bet I will. So back to Weight Watchers I go. I will say out of every diet I have tried it is the closest to real life. I lost weight with other diets but who can have pre-packaged food delivered for the rest of your life OR go without bread and beer? Maybe you guys can but I can’t! This is a lifestyle and not a diet. This isn’t anyones journey but my own. If I cheat, I cheat myself. If I self-sabatoge, then I am hurting myself. Think about that on your journey my friend.
It is a commitment to change your lifestyle. Planning meals, snacks, grocery lists and measuring your food. But some of the best things in life are worth committing to. You are worth the time, I am to. So today I will be making some weight watcher muffins, buffalo chicken dip, hamburger soup and tomorrow weight watchers chicken and gravy in the crockpot. It is prep work when I could be watching TV or reading. It isn’t glamorous but necessary. It isn’t a diet but a lifestyle change. An intention to do better. What do you think? Are you worth it? I think so. This time, it has clicked more than ever. I can have real food, I am not missing out on life. I still have beer if I want it, I can still have what I want if my points allow. They have a great app for your phone. No sliders, no books that you have to look up what you can eat. It truly is at your fingertips. There are so many options out there and you each have to find the lifestyle change that works for you. The thing is, make the choice to do something for you. Make the choice for you because you want to and feel it is needed, not because every Tom, Dick and Harry are doing it. If your brain and will aren’t clicked in, the rest won’t be either. That is the thing with weight, it is so easy to gain but so hard to lose. Food tastes good but not all food is good. Weight watchers, to me is real life. Real food and real portions. Realness in a world of fake food and people.
If I could go back and tell my younger self a thing or two, well I would tell her what I am trying to tell me now…..you are worthy. You are more than your body, you are more than sex. You are beautiful for you and stop giving a shit what others think. Quit sabatoging yourself and take the time for you. Don’t listen to people who disparage how you look, don’t listen to the cruel people in this world. Try your best and know that everyone’s outer shell will age and fade– even with plastic surgery and botox– we all age and decay and that is life. You are still cute, can be wholesome yet sexy, you can be a woman, you can be yourself. To the heffers that were mean in high school, to the adult men and women who still choose to be judgemental and mean/abusive now, well I feel sorry for you. Sorry that you have to feel power while putting others down. I hope each of us thinks before we judge a book by its cover. What lies beneath that cover could be the most amazing life that you may ever know. Pages full of words and emotions that could touch your life more than you could imagine. I may wish I looked different, different features, more of some and less of others and my body is aging, but it is still fearfully and wonderfully made!
So today the intention of back on Weight Watchers is back on the radar. It is welcomong an old friend back into my life. It adds more tasks to my day but how it is worth it. As you can tell if you read my entries here, I am real. I am not pretentious, I am not fake. I will tell you what I think and feel and I want you all to know that you can share this back with me. You need a friend for weight loss, I am here. Or to encourage or talk to, I am here. Life is hard and we all stay in our own bubbles. So pop that bubble and open your mind and heart. I am not an expert on Weight Watchers, but I know it works. I will share what recipes I have found or show you how to sign up. Take that step my friends. Take a step of intention be it weight loss or stopping a harmful habit, make the intention to change you for you and no one else. I know I am not all that but all that I am is a pretty damn good woman. Junk in the trunk and a belly, but that is just a bit more to hang on to and love on and it is me. Perfectly imperfect me. So my friends just because the month is marching on, it is never too late to start a new intention. Intend to be good to you and intend to make new strides everyday my dears!! Now I have to go get busy slicing and dicing and intend to take back my lifestyle of food changes for me.
Addendum….
Just in case you thought my intentions were just mere words. I have 2 chicken dishes in the crockpots, made hamburger soup, prepared fruit, measured out snacks, cut up veggies and made 1 point cupcakes. It has taken me 2 hours and will have a little bit of work when the chicken is done, but I am prepared for a week worth of meals for myself and son(daughter goes back to college). So see some good intentions are followed through. Have a great day❤