Well how is everyone? Almost through the week and we wish our lives away it seems. Everyone is working and the stores are ringing up Valentine’s presents like bread and milk for a snow storm. My previous post was about a couple kind of love. Made me think, like I usually do, that before you become a couple there has to be love for one’s self. We all have things about ourselves we don’t like, things that we wish were different. Sometimes because of societal pressure, sometimes from past abuse, sometimes being over critical or sometimes for no reason at all. We all get tripped up by the world we live in but sometimes the trippy part is we keep believing the negative about ourselves.
There is pressure to look young, look a certain way, we dont want to grow old or we want to grow up quickly. We have flaws and insecurities, we get overwhelmed sometimes, we judge ourselves before we give anyone a chance to judge us. We put so much pressure on ourselves, we want to excel in school and sports growing up, then college and career paths and then adult jobs, adult relationships and finances. We start to give so much of ourselves away that we forget about ourselves. We forget that we are human, with flaws and imperfections, we have wants and desires and we see ourselves from what everyone else sees but we forget how to see ourselves at times. We give so many parts away, we see all these people around us and then we forget who we are and what we bring to the table.
Before we can bring love to the table we should probably learn to love ourselves. I struggle with this and you do to if you will admit it. Our minds think about the embarrassing words we say, the pictures we shouldn’t take or send, the awkward interactions, or just sometimes we just try to keep up with everyone else. We forget how amazing we are. We forget that the body of our teenage years has been given the grace to grow old, that for some has given birth or watched their partner change with pregnancy and the strength in motherhood. We forget that even in the silliest pictures, the flirty pictures, the candid shots, that we see how we look and want to look different in those photos but someone else sees the person they love or the moments captured in that picture. We forget through the jobs we do, the homes we care for, the people in our lives, are all there for a reason and sometimes that reason is for the person we are, the connecting piece. We forget it is ok to love ourselves and celebrate who we are. NOW that doesn’t mean it is all about you, because it isn’t. However it means that you are just as vital, you bring alot to the table of life and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
We each have things about ourselves we want to change. Could be weight or hair, could be anxiety or over thinking (me for all of these so far) could be finding that brave spirit or could be the need to forgive ourselves as we forgive others. When my kids were younger and they would get frustrated or as my son was navigating the whole world of Autism and was upset he was different….I would tell him, God doesn’t make junk, God made you to be the person you are and you are wonderful and loved. I have had to repeat that to myself on one or two occasions. But if we truly think about it, when we can’t love ourselves that is telling God He made junk. Our outward shells, our flaws and failures all happen, that is life, but who we are inside….the soul and essence of who we are is worthy to be loved. And that love should be given to ourselves as well. We can give out love freely, love bomb people, love causes, love life yet we sometimes forget to love ourselves. Sometimes people can’t give you the love you need or deserve. They don’t know how. Doesn’t make them a bad person not does it make you a bad person to want the love you deserve. Something happened with them that they forgot how to love or never learned it. Maybe they didn’t love themselves or they loved the idea of themself. Maybe they can’t give love. That doesn’t make you less worthy, nor can you fix that for them. No more can they fix you on how you see yourself. You have to appreciate who you are and love you for you. This is not a prideful love, nor a selfish love, it is permission to love who you are. Self esteem and love can go hand in hand. Sometimes we all can suffer with low self esteem but you should still love yourself. Now listen, I am not saying I don’t struggle with these issues, I do. I never was the pretty girl at school, was always told I was sweet and kind, in high school that felt as equivalent to saying she has a good personality but not much else. There have been times I haven’t loved me. Through struggles in my body or how I look, but then my body did amazing things and I had two kids and the left over pounds, but I loved what My body can do. My marriage ending and feeling I had failed somehow to not have stayed married but then I loved myself for being brave that I stood up for myself and my kids against abuse. I have judged myself harshly as a single mom but I have loved every moment with my kids and loved being a mom. My career as a nurse has been rewarding and challenging but I love what I do. I feel lonely at times when I see couples everywhere but I finally love that I feel worthy. Now that sounds odd I know, but I love that I have discovered my worth again. That if a man wants me in his life, that he pursues me and loves me for me and I know I have that love to return ten fold. And I do know this, I am at a point that I don’t want to apologize for how I love. So for every flaw and weakness I have, and I have many, I then in turn have love that bloomed out of that. How about you? I know you have a list and be brave to say that list. Recognize it and deal with it and then realize God doesn’t make any junk.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I suffer with self deprication. I judge myself harshly. It isn’t to look for a compliment, it is self protection. It is one hard habit I am trying to break. How about you, any habits you want to stop that would help you break through to loving yourself more? We all have them, some of us just admit them more. I have been blessed to love, to have given love, to received a small portion of love back. I am one of these women that loves with all she has and that is an overwhelming love for some and in turn makes me love myself a little less like I have done something wrong. Well at this ripe age, I am realizing I didn’t do anything wrong and that we all love differently. HOWEVER, I also realize that how someone receives that love is on them and it shouldn’t make me love me less. We each are such complex beings, we have baggage from our pasts and hopes for our futures. But while we cart all of this around, we sometimes forget how to love ourselves. We forget that the role we play in our own life. We forget that we shouldn’t apologize for being who we are. We can change and learn and grow and we all show love in different ways, but you should never have to apologize for how you love (unless it is unsafe in anyway).
There are so many hurts in this world and sometimes this world and people are cruel. Sometimes we are our own worse enemies replaying the hard moments in life and in those moments we sometimes don’t like who we were or what we did or how we were treated. We let those things chip away from loving and finding ourselves. We get so busy being in charge that we forget God is truly in charge. You were knitted in your mother’s womb, He knew the number of hairs on your head and the days of your life before you took your first breath. His Son knows you and your name is in His book of life if you asked Him to be in yours. How can we not love who we are when we have been touched by the creator of the universe? Makes me stop in my tracks of realizing I may not like everything about myself but I am loved beyond measure. And if He can love me for all my failures and faults and he doesn’t make any junk, well I guess I should be able to love myself as well. Again, it isn’t a prideful love or a self serving love as those effect you and those who love you. It is a true appreciation for who you are and that you are you and that you are loved. You have to learn to receive love as well as give. It will not always be a perfect balance. Sometimes you give more but the next go around you receive more. Realizing you are worthy of love is a self recognition of the love you have for yourself, that is loving on yourself. Your worth is more than your pant size and designer purse, more than your bank account and the car you drive, it is so much more than the material things, it is that moment when you realize that you are one amazing person and that you are worth love, worthy of giving and receiving love, you are lovable. Despite mistakes and failures, despite flaws and hang ups, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
How do you love, how do you show love? Is your love language physical, is is emotional, is it in gift giving, is it acts of service? We think about the love we give away and that is important, but so is the love we show ourselves. What we love says alot about who we are and how we love shows us a vulnerability that we need to be brave to explore. We love in a society that the “love” word is thrown around loosely at times and it can lose its power. Maybe we give that power back to ourselves. So think about it for a minute..what do you love about yourself? What does your heart beat for? What have you done to care for yourself? What do you love? Sometimes we can give the same trite answers and sometimes we don’t answer at all. Really think about it, look at who you are, see yourself like others see you? This exercise is a challenge for me at times. Sometimes I don’t love me and sometimes I let the storms in life wipe out the shoreline. When I started this blog I said I would always keep it real and be real. I am being vulnerable in my thoughts and writings. How about you? Vulnerable yet or just quit reading lol? I am not going to list alot but will list some of what I love in the sense of sharing and encouraging you to do the same.
I love my heart, my compassion for others, my smile and sometime off color or quick witted humor. I love my curly hair, finally, and I love my kids beyond measure. I love my family who gives me strength and love through life. I love my bravery at times and I even love me when I am overwhelmed. I love that I have junk in the trunk and love kisses. I love to make others feel appreciated and loved, I love my salvation and my future. I love being able to write this to share with you, to make you think about you and how you are loveable. Before we give our heart away, we need to recognize its own heartbeat and what makes it beat. Once we focus on that heartbeat, the chaos of the world lessens and what matters becomes clearer. What we love and how we love and who we are, those are all things we should be thinking about and pondering on. Let those thoughts roll over you like waves of introspect and wisdom. Don’t ever forget you are worthy of the love you give, you are worthy to love yourself as you do others, you are loveable. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made and loved by the One who loves us despite ourselves. Love, a many splendor thing, love yourself..
